Where Do I Go From Here?

Its been several months since I have updated this blog and I felt that I owe my readers an explanation as to why I have been absent.

Not to dwell on a point, but as you know, this past spring/summer, my computer crashed and I lost 95% of my files and images. That amounts to more than 7 years worth of work-children's programs, book drafts, instructional videos, etc. Gone, gone, GONE!

This event subsequently led me to the hard decision to dissolve & downsize some of the projects I was working on. They simply were not viable enough for me to invest many, many more hours in rewriting & replacing all the material and content that was lost.

While my computer was getting an overhaul-and my insides were a wreck-I found out that my former mother in law has advanced bone cancer. My daughter is devastated & I simply 'melted down' as the expression goes. I did not write any more on this blog and I did not set foot in my office for an entire month and a half. I simply could not.

I started to spend more time doing the things I enjoy and the things that were needed: being with & supporting my daughter, cooking, walking in the woods near my home, cleaning out my office, and as I did these things, my head began to clear. Balance returned. I was able to objectively evaluate the past 7 years, and what-if anything-I could have done differently to be more successful in my personal and professional endeavors. (Other than the obvious-having a more reliable system for backing up my files...)

As I re-lived & reviewed, I noticed that each and every obstacle that I faced related back in some way to one thing: a school or camp administrator, manager or other individual making the call on whether or not my programs and services held value. (For those of you who are just joining us, or who don't know, I founded the S.M.Art Kids® programming, which is movement based programming for children with special needs.These programs were designed to support sensory, academic & social, development, but have been relegated (under protest) to being just a summer and after school recreational program at this time.)

While many schools indicated that they liked what I was offering, some passively undermined me, my programs, and then expected me to offer my services for "free"- (an idea that I am not opposed to on some occasions-but I am opposed to offering free services all the time.) Some did not pay me until 6-10 weeks (no exaggeration) after I delivered services. So not only did I suffer emotional distress, but also financial.

On the occasions I did work within (public) schools, while the students were outstanding and receptive, there was a general attitude of dismissive-ness among the staff, to the point where they openly & often interrupted me to correct students I was working with, came in late, texted and played on phones while I was attempting to show them some useful techniques, and then, they left early, and before I they had a chance to truly assimilate the lessons & activities & before I had a chance to get valuable verbal (and non-verbal) feedback from the students.

Then the obvious hit me: This program is not seen as 'valuable' because it doesn't belong. It does not "fit" nor "align" with the (all powerful) Common Core curriculum standards, no matter how I attempted to do that. (and now I am glad it did not fit in with it.)  My program was viewed as just one more thing to squeeze into an already busy day & just a random program to stick in place for the benefit of keeping the State happy-for the schools to show that they were "doing something" about bullying, stress, or whatever.  My epiphany was validated by some great "off the record" insight from an educator friend of mine and so the "Common Core Meltdown" had begun. The new blog's name intentionally reflects the spirit of the process of an actual Nuclear Core Meltdown.

At first, I thought, as many still do, that "Common Core" was a set of high standards to keep our students engaged and challenged and moving towards excellence. After all, isn't that what we want & what it has been billed as? What is so bad about that?

But then-I began to research its history, its roots and where it came from to begin with. I began asking lots of questions-many left unanswered, such as: Why has there not been any discussion-nor input from parents, educators & students as CC was being created?  why are some states so secretive as to whether or not they are implementing it-and why are others banning it altogether? why is my child being told that she is "not allowed" to bring home textbooks any more? Why was she placed in a "remedial" math "support" class when she carries a 79 (High 'C') in math and all A's and 2 High B's in other subjects? Why am I being led to believe that I am "not allowed" to refuse math support? And such questions only seem to lead to other questions.

Over the last 6 months I've researched. I've talked with parents & professionals from all over the country and from all walks of life. I've paid closer attention to my daughter's school assignments. For many reasons, I don't like what I'm hearing, reading & seeing with my own eyes.

This blog is the result of my "meltdown"-designed to not just be an outlet for me, or for others -disgruntled parents & educators, but as an educational  resource for parents, educators & students. As a parent, and Independent Educator, I want to pass on what I've learned-and offer you the best of how to TRULY educate, motivate & support your kids in every way-and how to take action to get us back to Common Sense and away from Common Core. This includes public school-ers, home school-ers and private school-ers together. We have our work cut out for us, but in large numbers, we can do it. Not only CAN we do it-we HAVE to do it.

I will be still be addressing topics relating to education, child development, health & learning. Some topics and posts will be researched and pulled from noted sources and others will involve interactive commentary and discussion. Either way, this blog is intended to be an interactive network of students, parents & professionals who want to support our kids in the best way possible. I will do my best to present information from as many reliable resources as possible. I hope you will join us and I welcome your participation, feedback, input, insights and life experiences.

While I always welcome comments and insights from all perspectives, I just ask to keep it respectful. In my actual life, I do not mince words, and I am not a 'politically correct' person by nature: I say things directly & bluntly. You certainly don't have to agree with me and I don't expect you will always agree.

Regardless of personal views, I do NOT condone overtly intimidating or hateful speech and ask that everyone also refrain from hate, excessive cursing & name-calling or you will be banned. The new blog's purpose is to make connections, start the discussions, and motivate us all to take action together. (By the way, Spammers will also be banned.) All comments will be moderated for this reason.

Please understand that I am not bitter and I did not entirely abandon what I was doing before: I am still an educator. Its just that I have identified critical areas of need and I am endeavoring to address them through education in a blog format.  "Common Core Meltdown" is not a "Feel Good" blog and nothing that I write there is meant to harm nor offend anyone. My sincere intent is to share information, to open discussion, to educate, to raise awareness and provide tools and resources to spark effective action towards more common sense education practices. (And I'm not against sharing some humor there as well!)

If you would like to submit a relevant  resource, article or commentary, please do so by e-mailing me at: bg.bgini@gmail.com 

Please help spread the word and Thank you in advance for joining us!


Barbara Gini
Independent Educator
Author
Founder S.M.Art Kids® &
"Common Core Meltdown"

A Funny Thing About Computer Crashes

PHOTO: sevacall.com 

About a month ago, my computer crashed. That is part of why its been so long since my last post. I've been re-grouping.

Computer crashes are a fairly common occurrence, yet one that I have never experienced. I've been in the middle of preparing for a huge workshop, which I rescheduled -(thank you all for being so understanding!) and figured I would just use my hand written notes, my backed up files and Jay's computer for a few days while we got mine back up again. No big deal right? 

And then a funny thing happened.

I found that I could not access the remote vault that my files were supposed to be backed up on, (and still cannot access them due to "indefinite maintenance") and I, foolishly, do not have another back up. 

I started feeling just a little sick to my stomach as I mentally reviewed just how much work I have done, how much information was stored, and how many book drafts, pictures/videos I've accumulated over the last 5 years.

We attempted to fix the issue ourselves, and even with 6 total hours of tech help via phone from Microsoft, we finally had to take it to be fixed and the hard drive pulled. (That was a week ago-they are still working on it.) 

So I received my memory sticks back from the computer guys yesterday-and it does not look good: 6 viruses, (which both Norton and Hitman Pro failed to detect), was the cause of the issue. 

The tech guys (who are fantastic by the way) were only able to retrieve, from what I can see, about 10% of what I had on my computer. The remote (Comcast) vault is still under maintenance "indefinitely" so I can't look and see what has been backed up on there.(I have not been able to access it since this happened-so I will never use a remote backup service again.) I'm most upset over the photos and videos of my daughter and family that were lost, (as well as the book drafts), but its my own fault for not being more attentive to how this information was saved.

And as my sweet and wise friend Maria from Spain pointed out: 

"Burn your last (memory) bridges and start new ideas afresh . Who on earth has a chance to 

reinvent anyway at this stage? And is not your fault. Things happen. For a good reason."

And as another long time friend added: "...and now all those new ideas will reinvigorate your world..."

So, I've sulked enough. I  have to keep moving forward. The August 10 workshop in Mt Laurel will continue as scheduled and an updated workshop schedule will be forthcoming. I will base it on the e-book I sen you all, since I no longer have my own workbook draft, that was lost in the crash.

I am pretty much starting over again from scratch. I'm stalled, but I'm not down yet. Please bear with me as I re-group from re-grouping. 

Since I have lost all of the articles I was working on for this blog-and my books-I've written some new ones and posted a few of them on the newest addition to BodyLogique Health & Learning: "The Free Range Classroom" (Where Every Moment is a Learning Moment)

So, moving forward, BodyLogique is re-committing to Health & Learning-only in a slightly different manner.

From today on, this blog, "S.M.Art Kid/Healthy Kids", will be completely devoted to physical and sensory literacy, including health education, and activities and resources that support the physical aspects of learning. I see which articles interest you guys-and they are time and time again the ones that discuss physical or sensory activities-so I will focus more on that type of information in this blog.

"The Free Range Classroom" (Where Every Moment is a Learning Moment) will focus more on the way we learn-multiple intelligence, neuroplasticity, social & creative literacy, etc.

The "FoodLogique" blog will be devoted entirely to Food Education & Nutritional Literacy.

And the "BodyLogique Books" blog will deal with language, reading & character literacy and will be the new home of "S.M.Art Stories" Interactive Storytelling Program.

Each blog will have some initial posts uploaded and then regularly, one post a week. In addition, if there is a relevant workshop, conference or training, I will post that information as well.

Why separate blogs? Because learning - education - is a multifaceted process. There are so many avenues to take-and the whole point of it all is to not just impose or absorb facts so we can regurgitate them back onto a test paper or inject into a conversation, but to actually understand and form our own ideas- and then to use our new knowledge, our understanding and our ideas to help make the world a better place, in one way or another, either personally, locally or globally. 

There are so many facets to the work I do, as well as to the work you do. Rather than continue to clump it all together, I think each facet needs to be highlighted in its own accord, so that we can better understand how each part relates, fits, supports and works together. I have some new ideas as to how to accomplish this, and will keep you in the loop as they develop. There is so much more to come. 



But now, I need some breakfast. A more detailed explanation will be forthcoming. 

In the meantime, have a wonderful Friday - and enjoy a "Short and Simple: One of a Kind" post for your weekend.

~Barbara

Do Dolls Influence Girl's Self-Image?

PHOTO: thestir.cafemom.com 

This topic fits in well with the series I am working on that addresses girl's self-esteem.

There has been huge debate over Barbie dolls and whether or not they cause an inferior body image in young girls and I'd like to weigh in on this-pun not intended.

Today I came across the article: Artist Creates Barbie with Average Size Body.

First of all I love both of these dolls, but I do question if we really want to encourage our kids-especially our daughters- to be 'average'? I want my daughter to be anything but average. I want her to stand out and excel. With that being said, I think that we are making too big a deal of the doll's influence over our kids brains, thoughts, emotions and body image. We are in charge of shaping a child's attitudes-not the dolls.

We need to keep in mind first, that this doll does not look like a real woman because its not. Its a doll. A toy. Its not supposed to be real. Its supposed to engage the child in creative play, fantasy & spark the imagination.

Secondly, we need to remember that the doll itself, (nor does any toy), has no intrinsic power to influence anyone at all, but as parents, we do. I think we are focused in the wrong direction and missing a huge teaching opportunity. Although our intentions are good, don't you think we do way more damage by bashing the "skinny" Barbie and trying to push a "normal' Barbie? Who is to say and decide what is "normal' anyway? Is this really about our kids well-being or more about the pressure we feel as parents & educators to do what the rest of the herd is doing? Or is it simply about our own body image insecurities? We need to not only ask these questions, but look for the answers.

Think about this: we have gone out of our way to teach our kids to 'include' and 'accept' others as they are...we've ended the 'R' word and put people first; we've raised awareness, and research money for every possible physical defect & learning disability; we've embraced cultural diversity; we've recognized 'bullying' as a National Epidemic and have 'anti-bullying' programs to address it.

Then what do we turn around and do? We judge, bash & essentially bully 'Skinny Barbie' for being 'too thin', 'not normal' and 'imperfect'. Has anyone wondered how confusing a message this must be to kids who have been taught that making fun of someone's appearance is bad?

In our efforts to make a perfectly diverse, safe and politically correct world for our kids, we forget that our own words, attitudes, expectations and most importantly our behavior teaches and influences children & youth more than any inanimate object ever will.

What I'm saying is don't let your own fears project into your child's head, and put a "bad body image" thought there in the first place, where it probably was not until you brought it up. This is a 54 year old toy we are talking about. Girls have played with this toy for decades-and there has been no evidence of any psychological damage because of it. This is an irrational fear that has been placed in us, (because we all want to be good parents) and we need to recognize and overcome it. Give your kids, and your own parenting some credit and stop giving inanimate objects so much power over your child and over your parenting decisions.

The best thing we can do to inoculate our children against poor self-esteem, bad body image, etc. is be there for them-observe them, talk with them, engage with & play with them, and most importantly listen to them. Teach them how to think for themselves, and don't put limiting thoughts into their heads, even if its a fear or concern we have. Teach them how to adapt & overcome outdated paradigms and to see things for what they really are-in this case, a doll.

If you question whether or not this doll (or any toy) is appropriate, then play with your child-use the doll-in-question as a tool- create scenarios in which problems are solved, good values are instilled, and health, acceptance, inclusion, and diversity is embraced. But don't fall into the trap of using a doll-or any toy-as an excuse to perpetuate exclusion based on appearance, just because there is a trend and push for it. By doing this we are reinforcing exactly what we don't want and in addition, teaching children how to conform to a particular way of thinking instead of thinking for themselves. Kids notice when we contradict ourselves, and how on earth can they trust and listen to the advice of someone who sends conflicting messages?

If  you truly feel that this Barbie is damaging to your child's self-image, then why not, instead of insisting they re-design Barbie to look 'real', insist instead that toy companies make dolls of all different shapes and sizes and then ensure your child has one of each? I think this would be a more healthy way to model ways to celebrate all girls-skinny, curvy, and in between, exactly as they are.

I would like to hear from you-especially any licensed psychologists: how do you feel about this issue of body image? Do you think dolls & toys in general have any influence on girl's self-image? Additionally, if you know of any studies that definitively prove that dolls lead to body image problems, please include a link along with your comments below!


Contact: bodylogique@yahoo.com


Read our online newspaper, "Inspire Educator's Daily" here!

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YUCK! A School Lunch Expose

IMAGE: https://www.facebook.com/yuckmovie

I've been working food education into my movement and stress management programs for years, but I want you to remember the name: "Zachary Maxwell" (Pictured at left). This kid is taking food education to the next level!

Zachary, an 11 year old fourth-grader at a New York City public school, embarked on a secret  six-month mission to expose the yucky truth of school lunches. Using hidden cameras, this creatively brilliant young filmmaker documented dozens of lunches he and his classmates were served at school. During his investigation, he compared the descriptions on the lunch menus with secretly recorded videos of what was actually being served in the cafeteria.


“It sounded like it was coming from the finest restaurant, but what we were actually getting served, it wasn’t too good,” Zachary said in an ABC news interview.

So, with the support of and a little help from his dad, Zachary put together the documentary: “Yuck: A 4th Grader’s Documentary About School Lunch”. Zachary's film is being presented at the Manhattan Film Festival today.

Its interesting to note that starting in September, NYC Public School students will face detention and/or suspension for making video and audio recordings without permission.Some feel this is a sad civics lesson for kids: government gets caught and responds with abridgment of First Amendment rights. 

Some note that if the problem had not been there in the first place, this film would not have been made. Maybe administrations should focus more energy on fixing of the problem - inadequate food sources - rather than blaming students for standing up, speaking out & pointing to the problem. 

My prediction is that we are going to see more and more students taking on projects like this, and speaking out and changing not only the way school lunches are served, but also other inadequate, ineffective and unfair policies.


See Zachar'y interview here

YUCK Facebook Page

See the Movie Trailer here

YUCK! About The Movie

NY Public Schools Ban Unauthorized Videos (and E-Cigarettes)




Related Articles:

The Unappetizing Politics of School Lunches

School Food Revolution

Salad Bars in Schools




Contact: bodylogique@yahoo.com


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Using Your Words: Sign Language & Communication

Image: harriscomm.com

Communication is a personal and unique thing. There are so many subtleties that occur during a social exchange, and I am all for anything that facilitates the process.

It has been a long-held, common belief that if you teach a child sign and spoken language at the same time it confuses them. I have always disagreed, but I just didn't have the right letters after my name for anyone to take me seriously. 

Now, there is some recent research that shows sign language can actually ENHANCE a child’s acquisition of spoken language...


This article has recently been moved to the BodyLogique Books Blog. To read the rest of it in its entirety including relevant links, please visit BodyLogiqueBooks.com 



Slightly off the topic but still relevant: 

An excellent and enlightening book on the topic of external motivators is: 
Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A's, Praise, and Other Bribes , by Alfie Kohn.  A MUST read for every parent & educator!


Contact: bodylogique@yahoo.com 

Now its Personal: Get Angry & Change the World

Image: hideyourarms.com 

I started this blog as a way to communicate, educate, motivate, inform-and sometimes entertain, with insights into Mind-Body Health and education.  My message has always focused around the integrative & positive approaches, and today I am taking a much different position because I feel that I am not effectively doing my job as an educator if I continue on the "Keep Calm & Do Yoga" path. 

While mind-body techniques and positive thinking absolutely has its place, in reality, it would be much more truthful and accurate to say that my intrinsic nature has always been more in alignment with, "Getting Angry & Changing the World".

In the last few weeks, through several eye-opening events, (personal, domestic and international) much self-reflection, a few glasses of Sangria, (and yes, of course, meditation) I have finally gotten back in touch with my "Inner Bitch" and I think she may have saved me from a life of misdirection and a false sense of complacency. 

Read why here.
 

Contact: bg.bgini@gmail.com 

Empathy Helps Build Awareness of Self & Others

Photo: Duke.edu

Empathy is greatly  misunderstood quality, especially for children with special needs, so in today's post I will offer some definition, insights and resources for parents & educators.

Empathy has a several definitions which encompasses a variety of nuances: caring for other people and having a desire to help them, to experiencing emotions that match another person's emotions; to knowing what another person is thinking or feeling, to blurring that divider line between one's self and others.

In general, empathy has two major aspects or categories:

• Cognitive Empathy: (Also Known as Theory of Mind) refers to the drive to identify another's mental states.
• Emotional (Affective) Empathy: pertains to being affected by another's emotional state & the desire to respond with an appropriate emotion as well as our general ability to empathize emotionally

In either case, empathy builds on our capacity to recognize emotions that are being experienced by another person and is a quality that is well worth developing in ourselves as well as in our children. By the age of two, children are just beginning to learn empathy but it does not start to really emerge until about age 4. Then, between ages 7-12 children seem to be naturally empathetic with people who are experiencing pain.

Empathic responses are usually not typical in people with autism, and for those with particular personality disorders such as borderline personality disorder, psychopathy, narcissistic personality disorder, and schizoid personality disorder, in addition to people with conduct disorder or bipolar disorder, and those experiencing depersonalization. (The subject of empathy on the autism spectrum is complex and research is continuing ion this area of neuroscience..)

One of the ways we can help teach empathy systematically is through the Learning by Teaching (LbT) method. Students have to prepare and present new content to their classmates, and in doing so they have to reflect continuously on the mental processes of the other students in the classroom.

The students are not only expected to convey a certain topic or content, but also to choose their own methods and approaches in teaching classmates that subject.

Through this process, the students develop a feeling for group reactions, networking and other important communication skills..

I recently came across a perfect description & summary of what empathy can do for us:

"In our highly polarized and competitive world, one person’s win is often another’s loss. One team’s, one party’s, one whatever’s excitement is sometimes disappointment for another.But it doesn’t have to be this way. There is a way that everyone can win, without anyone giving up their values. It’s called empathy. The beautiful thing about empathy is that you can feel another person's pain as if its your own and this empathy brings compassion, but you don’t have to save them or solve their problem. You can understand another person’s perspective without giving up your own. You can respect another person’s opinion without agreeing with them."

~Ian Lawton, Soul Seeds

Something I teach my daughter and my students is this: Just as you are capable of feeling another's pain & dissapointment, you can also feel their happiness, joy and success, if you choose to. Empathy is not merely a topic for "Character Ed" class, but a lense through which we can view and interact with the world and the people in it, in classrooms, at home and beyond.

Read Ian Lawton's entire post here:

Unity's Win, Win, Win

Learn more about the Learning by Teaching (LbT) Method here: 

Investigating Learning by Teaching

Learning by Teaching: The Goal is Independence

Qualitative Reasoning techniques to support Learning by Teaching:
The Teachable Agents Project

Learning by Teaching as a Pedagogical Approach

Learn more about teaching Empathy here:

How Children Learn Empathy

How Do You Teach Empathy? Harvard Pilots Game Simulation

Teaching Empathy to Children with Autism

Strategies for developing Empathy

Boston Children's Foundation

Theory of Mind

3 Empathy Building Exercises for Home & Work

Negative Effects of Social Support & Empathy




To contact Barbara or to report a broken link: bodylogique@yahoo.com


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TEST POST

To all my subscribers: I've been having some difficulties with my computer-so this is just a test post! Hope to be back online soon!

Thanks!

Barbara

http://www.pchelpsoft.com/data-recovery/?t=recover-lost-files&gclid=CNO89cr287cCFQmf4AodGwsAIw

"I'm Offended": The Tragedy of Comedy

Photo: pelicandebrief.com 

This is one of my longer posts, but the time has come for me to say what I have been observing, thinking & feeling for quite a while. I’ve just recently seen an opportunity to address it, motivated by a post I saw on a social site last week:

"Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense and I find that's just a form of bullying. I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings." ~Ellen Degeneres

It has been re-posted more than 150 times. Obviously, and for a number of reasons that are personal to each of us, bullying is an issue that we feel passionate about.

I have always loved Ellen Degeneres, and have respect for her and her work with the many charities that she supports.  I have always perceived her to be an intelligent, kind and funny woman. I am curious to see how she will pull this one off, but I have to tell you that I don't agree with her and think that she should not change a single thing about her comedy.

What I personally love about Ellen is that she comes across as such a genuine, warm, compassionate person.She has made a living through her insights and humor. She has empowered, uplifted and educated people for many years THROUGH her humor-not in spite of it.  I find her declaration that humor is the same as bullying, off the mark and wonder if she is not also giving in to manipulation & pressure? I feel as though she too has been ‘bullied’ into a position where she can no longer feel comfortable doing what she does best: making us laugh at our common, uncommon, and very human flaws.  

While I admire Ellen's sensitivity to the feelings of others, I think that people who become offended at a comedian's jokes are reacting from a wounded sense of  self-comfort and self-esteem - and their wounds are not about others or bullying at all. They are about themselves.

The very reason that something is a comedy is because it points out and exposes the flaws & absurdity of persons, characteristics or situations. We do this dozens of times a day, whether out loud or in our own heads; whether professional comedians or not. Comedy-humor- is a coping technique - a survival mechanism-and the way we celebrate and observe in a non-threatening way, our flaws, our differences, our similarities, and make more sense of an increasingly volatile (and apparently cranky) world.

While I don't think anyone should ever be purposefully cruel, or hurtful, I DO think we need to grow a backbone, stop looking for excuses for who we are and are not, and understand that humor is NOT the same as bullying. By equating the two, we have not only declared that NOTHING at all is funny, but we have also watered down actual & serious aggression & bullying, and have further strained human interaction by making people feel as if they cannot joke with each other for fear of offending someone. Is this the kind of dry, tense world we really want to live in?

There has been an over-focus on bullying, for too long, and for the wrong reasons. Yes, we have a "respect" problem in general - we have for hundreds of years, and on many levels we are still fighting bias & prejudice. But by paying the wrong kind of attention to the problem, we have simultaneously undermined its significance and made it more prevalent. By over-focusing on it in the wrong way, we have taught children that bullying is the worst of tragedies. We are unintentionally encouraging kids to over-identify with being a "victim" and as awful and painful as it is in extreme cases, in general, I can think of about half a dozen things that are worse than being "picked on" or someone making jokes about me at my own expense.

One of my yoga teachers taught me that when you pay too much attention to something you give it more power. I have found that to be true over and over again in my personal and professional life, and in this case as well.

I see well-meaning organizations giving out medals and other goodies to "victims", in effect, rewarding them for getting picked on. What behaviors and characteristics are we trying to encourage here? Instead of actively giving kids - both victims and aggressors- the specific (and individualized) tools they need to go about developing themselves as better people, we are encouraging them to remain in and fill those "character roles" of victim or an aggressor. We are not giving children any other "character" options- or any functional and realistic coping or self-empowerment strategies, nor teaching them about respecting themselves as well as each other. By over-reacting by trying to remove & censor everyday language and normal human behaviors of the people around us, most of which are quite innocent and benign, and by comparing something as natural as breathing (comedy) to bullying, we have re-enforced the wrong message-the opposite one than what was intended.

In my many years of working with people of all kinds, I have observed that there are really only two emotions: Fear and Love. Being offended stems from fear, and is a learned response. Kids learn and mimic "offended" behavior very quickly by observing the adults in their lives. Declaring that you are offended is one of the most selfish & manipulative statements one can make. Its designed to silence and impose guilt as it elicits sympathy. It gives you a wound to show everyone and implies that now you are entitled to rights and privileges that the 'offender' is not. It also illustrates an inability to control emotions & responses to other people and it comes with the full expectation that everyone else is expected to control theirs. Being offended is a response that harms relationships and prevents us from learning, as it weakens everyone involved.  In fact, I will go so far as to say that the phrase "I'm Offended" is really its own special form of bullying.

Comedy, when observed with a mature ego, a healthy attitude and an open mind, can gently guide us to really take a hard look at ourselves and others and accept, work with (and even embrace) all characteristics- the good, the bad and the ugly. (Or, it can cause us to whine that we are 'offended' so others feel bad for being “so mean”.) We need to guide our kids through this process of finding more healthy ways to respond to joking, bullying, and just plain, ignorant people.

There was a commenter under the post who said: "... I much prefer self-deprecating humor or jokes about the powerful, to the more "bullying" type of comedy making fun of the little guy..."

Why are jokes about the "Powerful" OK?  What defines a "Powerful" target from a "little guy"? Why the double standard? And why would any grown person think that self-deprecation okay? Is that really what we want to teach our kids? Children cannot learn to be kind to others if they are taught to be unkind to themselves. In fact, being unkind to oneself is the ultimate form of bullying. We can't have it both ways-either we don't make (potentially offensive) jokes about anyone at all-including ourselves, because it is bullying...OR we INCLUDE everyone in on the joking, stop being offended, laugh along WITH each other and learn something positive in the process.

Another commenter noted:  I love the sentiment..til I remember that on one of her shows she spent a very long time showing humiliating photos of unsuspecting studio guests, that had been found on Social Networks..."

Yes. I remember that-and the crazy prom photos- and have seen Ellen take on the 1 Million Mom's when they wanted her removed as the JC Penny Spokesperson...and her recent "Fitch PLEEZE!!" response to Abercrombie & Fitch deciding to not sell clothes bigger than a size 10. All of it was funny - and spot on! It would only be offensive to those who those who were not acting right or not so sure of themselves in the first place. 

Anyone who feels offended because of their own flaws does so due to their own filter and not necessarily because of something Ellen, or anyone else said or did. How can Ellen, or anyone else continue to serve as a positive role model for youth and truly embrace and be themselves if we feel so pressured to change the methods (music, art, comedy) we use to express ourselves for fear of offending?

Instead of constantly censoring, we should instead be teaching our children, and youth, characteristics of empowerment & respect - beginning with SELF: self-respect, self-reliance self-control, (especially of our emotions) and self-actualization, rather than teaching them to look for and focus on somebody else's 'bullying ' and/or joke-telling behavior. When we are truly comfortable with who and how we are, we no longer care what other people say, think or make jokes about and we certainly don't expect others to change and adapt to our own level of dis-comfort.  This starts in childhood and needs to be facilitated appropriately.

We do ourselves and everyone around us a huge dis-service by over reacting to issues that are NOT really issues, and by addressing a perceived problem by changing who we already are. We need to stop allowing ourselves to be pressured and 'bullied', into modifying our speech and actions only to empower those who need to manipulate. This does not encourage acceptance, inclusion nor diversity, but only serves to divide us, even if it is a division within ourselves. This is a terrible lesson to teach kids & teens and an unfair burden to place on mature adults.

We will never entirely stop those individuals who feel the need to harass, torment & intimidate others. By being forever "offended" by people, songs, words, differences, etc. we weaken ourselves, our relationships and our support systems. By backing down and changing OUR (non-aggressive) behavior and acting in a manner that is not in alignment with who we really are, only for the sake of political correctness, we give aggressive, manipulative people more power over us than they deserve.

Let's teach our kids how to be truly powerful by not enabling them to actively create more fake crisis & manufactured tragedy in their own lives. Let’s embrace comedy as a universal language-laugh at AND with each other, and come to a better understanding of who we really are and who we want to be. Let's stop the current tragedy of over-identification before it gets worse.

I welcome your comments and observations below.

~Barbara

Contact: bodylogique@yahoo.com

"I'm Not Sleepy" and Other Bedtime Stories

Photo: theguardian.co.uk

Today I came across this question on a social network:

"Can anyone offer any advice on how to handle a 3 year old who screams bloody murder every night before bed?" 

I'm approached for bedtime tips fairly often, so today, I thought I would share an expanded version of my response:


Without having a good sense of what a typical routine is before bed-and how many people are in the house, etc., and speaking in general terms, it would be helpful to first pinpoint & find out why is she is screaming. Is she afraid of the dark? Does not want to be alone? Is it a stressful time of day? Or maybe her day was too full-at school or daycare all day and needs some mommy/daddy time.

I find that a simple, un-rushed but regular routine helps to prepare kids for bedtime and helps them wind down. This could include a bath, laying out clothes for the next day and then a story, (one story only!) Don't be afraid of simple structure here-it helps kids feel supported and safe-event though they may test you and rebel every so often. Consistency and patience are key.

Some other quick bedtime activity alternatives are:

•  doing a simple coloring activity (for 3 year olds, simple geometric shapes, rainbows or animals are just fine!) 
• a brief, gentle massage (hands and feet or scalp usually work well.) 
• a small snack with some protein-chicken, cheese stick, yogurt, nut butter, etc. and a few slices of vegetables or fruit
• brushing/combing teeth and hair
• preparing lunch or snack for the next day

In addition, the following important details should be noted:

• give a "heads up" 5 minute warning-and use a timer. Do not cave and do not prolong this. Do not let them keep adding 5 more minutes- as it creates bad habits and a distorted sense of time down the road.(Allowing children to prolong bedtime like this also teaches them to not respect boundaries and they will expect you to do this all the time. Don't let this become a pattern or it will be impossible to break!)
• shut down TV and electronics at least 30 minutes before bed so the senses/brain can also calm down. TV & other electronics stimulate the areas of the brain that control our stress response-(Fight or Flight) and the brain/body needs time to regulate and shift to low gear after the adrenalin rush
• night lights are sensed by the eyes even while asleep and do not allow the brain/body to rest completely. Its best to not use them or at least be sure they are as dim as possible and not shining directly in the child's face.
• I discourage TV's and computers in bedrooms for the same reason. Remove them or unplug and cover them during bed/nap time.
• quiet, slow tempo (instrumental) music played on very low volume is OK and may help signal to the brain that its time for sleep
• furry family members (pets) should be moved out of the room so the room "quiets" down
• toys and clothes should be put away so that the room is "quiet" when bedtime comes. \
• follow through with consequences. If you have to ask several times to put toys away and go brush their teeth and your child continues to play, there should be a meaningful consequence, such as not reading a story because there is no time for one.
• A visual schedule is also helpful and is simple to make. Take photos of each step in the bedtime routine-(bath, brush teeth, comb hair, lay out clothes, story, lights out, etc.) and place each on a wall chart in order, or in a small photo album. When its time to do bedtime activities, lead your child though each picture-step. The next-to last step should be a brief but fun activity-(keeps them motivated to complete the other steps) and then "Lights Out" tells them its time for sleep.

It may take a few tries for the new routine to catch on, and they kids might test you. Be patient and stay calm. They will soon understand and be doing it on their own.

A word of caution though-experts say that it is also not good to over-help your child get to sleep. This is a skill they need to learn for themselves. Bedtime should not become a circus but rather a time to wind down and prepare for restful sleep. Over-helping creates a situation where the child becomes over dependent on the help and cannot develop the skills he needs to settle himself down and go to sleep at all. Read More : The Wide Awake Club

Also see: 

Helping Your Child Sleep Well

Taming Your Toddler

For more simple ideas on keeping kids calm, learn more about Barbara's Book, Calm & Connected !

Other Great Bedtime Books:

Bedtime is Cancelled

When the Moon Forgot

Sleep Like a Tiger

The Dream Keeper

Mama, I Can't Sleep

The Dot

Good Night Moon

Contact: bodylogique@yahoo.com 

Smart Kids in the Kitchen

Today is Food Revolution Day! 

Food Revolution Day is the culmination of  Jamie Oliver's campaign to help people understand the connection between food & health.

Communities across the country and across the world will celebrate the beautiful diversity of fresh food today, sharing cooking skills, understanding healthy eating habits and, of course, eating healthy & delicious food!

How are you helping support food education & cooking skills for children's & teen health?

BodyLogique® has begun the Kid's Canteen as a new adventure in Health & Learning - Our short video features are called S.M.Art Kids in the Kitchen! (Watch our website &  blog for details) Meanwhile, enjoy this preview below:

Related Articles:

Just Food.org

Chef by Step: The World's Easiest Cookbook

Whole Kids Foundation

Real Food-Real Kids

5 Ways to Get Kids to Eat More Vegetables

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Spring Training!

Photo: allmyfaves.com

I've been slowing down on blog posts recently because I am working on some other time-consuming (but worth it) projects!

Our main website now has a new home: www.bodylogique.com

Some links and features are not live yet, but I hope to have it completed over the weekend. Our updated (and full) training schedule will be up as well-we have a great lineup for you through the end of 2013!

In addition, The S.M.Art Kids® Adaptive Yoga Facilitator's Training- Spring Session has begun! If you have not signed up-or are undecided- please join us on this Evening's Conference Call. There is no charge for the call, but you must register at this link to participate.

This Evening's Conference Call Meeting Topic:

S.M.Art Kid® Facilitator's Training: Spring (Blended/Hybrid) Session Introduction to teacher's training program

This 20-30 minute call will focus on to introducing ourselves & the instructional materials to Spring Session, S.M.Art Kids® Facilitator's Training (Both Blended/Hybrid and Distance programs).

I will answer your questions regarding the schedule, materials, and/or certificate requirements, or anything else you would like to know.

Even though the call is directed for new Spring Session registrants, all others are welcome to participate whether currently enrolled in the program or not so please feel free to invite guests to join us on this call!

There is no charge for this session, but you must register! If you have not gone to the link and registered, please before 6 PM!

For more details, visit our BodyLogique Facebook Events Page (and give our BodyLogique Page a "Like" if you would be so kind!) 

For questions, please e-mail Barbara: bodylogique@yahoo.com 

I look forward to training with you!

Barbara Gini

Founder,

BodyLogique Health & Learning

S.M.Art Kids® Adaptive Yoga

To find our growing library of

Webinars and Conference Call recordings 

visit AnyMeeting

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