In Case You Missed It: Bullying Prevention Resources

Photo:
stopbullying.gov

This week, while riding home on the late bus after a school activity, my daughter was hit in the face (near her eye) with a full bottle of Gatorade that was thrown at her by another student on the bus. The student who threw the bottle, immediately ran off the bus at her stop, with a few other kids. The bus driver was kind enough to re-route and bring her home first so we could look at her eye.

While my daughter's physical injury could be considered minor, she was very angry, upset, and a little intimidated. (This student is older, taller and more muscular than she is, due to natural body frame and athletic training.) I called the transportation department, as well as the school and I was impressed and grateful that both departments acted professionally and immediately to address the incident.

Last night, my daughter told me that she felt relieved after talking with the counselor and vice principal, but all week, she felt anxious and scared, because she thought this student was going to retaliate for her "telling" on [the student] and "getting [the other student] written up." (I explained to my daughter that the other student got written up because of the bottle throwing. Throwing a bottle was a choice; a write- up was the consequence. Getting hit in the eye was not a choice, but a consequence of another's reckless choice.)

For a moment, I was back in the 70's, also a 7th grader, with that feeling in my stomach, too shy and scared to tell my teachers about the mean and intimidating behavior I experienced from peers on the playground, in the hallway, and any other place that there was no adult supervision. I remembered how isolated I felt, feeling like I didn't fit in with any kids my own age.  Thankfully, and with some good family guidance, my daughter is way more confident, socially assertive than I was at that age, and even still, she carried that sick feeling in her stomach until the situation was addressed.

I knew back then, as my daughter knows now, that I had a family who cared and others around me who could help me learn how to overcome my social distresses. My daughter knows that she has resources and people in her life who can help her gain confidence, stay grounded and move forward with her hopes and dreams as well. I know some students (and adults) feel unsupported and lost and ultimately turn to solutions that just create more violence, pain and suffering. I would like to encourage everyone to keep those students and their families in mind and rather than judging them or the situation, let us try and learn something from our observations so we can prevent another child from turning to drugs, guns or suicide. This could happen to any of us, no matter who we are or where we come from.

I want to publicly thank those parents, families, teachers, students, bus drivers, and others who are supporting & educating both the victims and the aggressors respectively to move everyone towards more empowered, cooperative & peaceful interactions.

October is Bullying awareness month and I would like to include some resources for students, parents and educators. Please share the ones that resonate with you, with those you love & work with.

If you have another resource, please post it in the comments below.

Have a great weekend.

~Barbara


History of Bullying Prevention (With other links)

Teach Anti-Bullying Inc

Characteristics of Bullying

Helping Bystanders Speak Out

Bullying Prevalent in Children's Programming

Bullying and Siblings

Close the Gateway to Bullying

Building Social/Emotional Skills in Elementary Students

Five Ways to Stop Bullying and Move into Action

Resources and guides From The Pacer Center

Hard Battles (Suicide Prevention)

Kindness: A Gift you Pay Forward

Contact: Barbara@bodylogique.com



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Spontaneous Engagement Through Play

'Lonely Girl' image by Lucia Stewart
Courtesy of  fineartamerica.com

A few years ago I provided adaptive summer camp programming for a local inner city organization. There were about 25 students with various challenges, many from broken families and poverty, but one young lady stands out. I'll call her "Alicia" (not her real name.) for the purpose of this article. She's been on my mind for the last few days.

Alicia was about 10 years old, diagnosed with autism and 'behavioral' challenges. On first meeting her, one would lean towards saying she was "oppositional" at the very least. The camp director told me that she never smiled, shouted all the time 'was a handful' and would not 'follow rules'.

I saw her to be definitely spirited, absolutely beautiful, almost regal, tall and lean, brilliant, creative, observant, willful & very angry.

She made it very clear to me, in an authoritative voice, the way she held her head and her intimidating body language that she didn't want to do anything with us, much less yoga. She pointed her finger at me, looked over the top of her glasses & shouted angrily "just who do you think you are? I'm NOT doing  ANY yoga!...YOU can't MAKE me..." and would fold her arms and turn her body away from me. 

She was a little less rough with her peers, although she was an expert at ignoring and avoiding interacting with any of them unless they accidentally happened to touch her mat. Then she would point her finger and yell "Just WHO do you think you are touching MY mat?" I definitely got the impression that she would have been much happier being left alone.

My goal was to win her trust just enough for her to let down her guard and relax a bit. It was clear that anxiety & fear were her triggers. The anger was a defensive survival mechanism. Her aide took a hard line with her, (that is when she was not oblivious or texting her boyfriend instead of supporting Alicia-but that topic is for another post!) and I suspect the other adults in her life did as well. I saw that I needed to take a much different approach, one she was not expecting.

My approach was non-confrontational. I told her quietly & without any drama that I understood and she didn't have to do any yoga at all-but did she think she could sit quietly for a few minutes while I taught the other kids? She looked at me suspiciously for a moment & reluctantly agreed. I told her that if she changed her mind & wanted to join us at any time, she could. She folded her arms and turned away from me. The good thing was that she did listen to and communicated with me, even though she shouted it. All was not lost yet.

For four weeks, we went through the same routine-I would always offer her to join-which she would decline. As I would teach the class, I would occasionally catch her looking out of the corner of her eye, and sometimes even smiling slightly. I ignored her occasional outbursts and would simply remind her of our arrangement of her sitting quietly while I taught. She would settle her self down, keeping her eyes on me momentarily to see what I would do next. I had instructed her aide to not force her to join, but to keep her as calm and quiet as possible while I taught the others.

On the fifth week I played "Statues" with the group-an adapted version of  "Red Light Green Light".
Alicia sat on the sidelines as the children lined up at one end of the playground. I explained the rules, then I turned away from them and began to count:

"1-2-3 Statues FREEZE!"

I turned back around to face them and was surprised to see that Alicia's aide had vanished and Alicia had actually joined the group. She was now 'frozen' like a statue with the others, and had a huge smile on her face, waiting for me to look away again. I turned around and counted...

"1-2-3 Statues FREEZE!"

This time when I turned back around to face the group, Alicia was about 3 steps out in front of everyone, still smiling.

"1-2-3 Stat....!"   I heard laughter & felt a hand on my shoulder.

It was Alicia.

My excitement was genuine when I saw her laughing so hard she could not contain herself. The other kids were laughing with her. It was now Alicia's turn to be 'it' and I stood nearby in case she needed a prompt. She didn't. She took command. She was transformed-gracious and cooperative when the next child got to be 'it'. She was talking with the kids when she went back to play again. I saw a different girl than when I walked in that first week.

I think the difference for her was not only the thrill & the challenge of winning the game and the responsibility of facilitating that game after she won, but also the fact that she was not forced to interact & participate. She was given 2 clear options & was trusted to make her own choice. I watched her closely for several weeks before that day-always making mental notes of what she paid attention to. I wanted to make it fun so she would want to join us on her own. In this way, she would be self-empowered-rather than imposed upon. I created that opportunity for her, and she rose to the occasion and (literally) ran with it.

I only hope that others have gotten past her angry shouting exterior and have looked deep enough to see her positive qualities. I hope they have helped her nurture them and overcome the ones that hold her back. My wish for her is that she will continue to be taken closer to her very highest potential of physical and mental health, as well as emotional, social, academic and personal growth.

That afternoon, as I was leaving, she called me by name, sprinted over to me and hugged me.

I think that was one of the best hugs I ever got.




To receive a copy of the "Statues" game, please contact me at the e-mail below!


Contact: barbara@bodylogique.com


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Breathing Games for Kids



Proper, steady & deep breathing makes all the difference in the way we move, think, recover, heal, & interact with others. In yoga, the breathing component is called pranayama.
When we hold or constrict the breath, we hold on to physical muscle tension, as well as mind tension & emotions that no longer serve us. When we release our breath, we also release physical tension, and emotions like fear, frustration, anger and resentment that prevent us from healthy growth, moving forward and enjoying our experiences and relationships. Yoga teaches us how to properly move and breathe together for optimum body/brain function, relaxation and to prepare the mind for extended periods of concentration.

From a sensory standpoint, breathing "into the belly" can help develop the sense of proprioception, (outer body awareness) and interoception (inner body awareness-what's going on inside of the body.) It can also be used as a tactile exercise: blowing on the hands after hand sanitizer has been used will give the skin a "cool" feeling.)

The other benefits of proper breathing are numerous. Here are just a few:

•improves oxygen flow
•Improves functioning of all body systems
•relieves congestion
•addresses muscle (and mind) spasms
•increases energy
•reduces fatigue
•enhances concentration
•eliminates toxins from the body more efficiently
•builds body awareness and self-control


The breath is a vital tool we all have with us at all times and it can be directed to self-regulate when needed. Teaching kids how to use their breath for relaxation, smooth transitions, concentration & stress management does not have to be boring. It can be very easy and fun, with a few simple props and a bit of imagination. 

*Here are some tips and ideas for 'Breathing Games' for kids:

Puff Ball Race
Photo ©2009 B.Gini

*(The following activities are designed to help teach children breath & energy control.

Remember that with bigger/stronger breath, energy will increase. With smaller/lighter breath, energy will calm.

Use "Strong/Big" breath for motor activity, & "Light/Little" Breath for calming/concentration.

Please take care that the children use their noses to breathe. The nose will warm, moisten and filter air as it goes into  the body, and it will also stimulate the appropriate receptors in the nasal cavity for energy/focus/calm. Deep

breathing should be rhythmic and taken a few breaths at a time to avoid dizziness & hyperventilation.  Keep some tissues handy when you play! )

•blow cotton balls (or colored pom-pom balls) through straws -(as in a 'snowball race' or racing over a 'goal line' )

•blow soap bubbles - teaches how to direct the breath and improves oral motor skills for language

•blow dandelion seeds off the stem or blow gently so NO seeds fly off the stem

•pretend you are blowing out one tiny little birthday candle (you can sing "Happy Birthday"-singing also helps develop breath control too!)

•pretend you are blowing out 10 BIG birthday candles...(or even 20!!)

•smell a flower or cookies baking (use real flowers or pretend. Please do not put artificial fragrance on the flowers as his can cause allergic reactions!)

•have a puff ball race (pictured above)

•hum or sing! (loudly and then softly)

•blow on wind chimes or pinwheels

•play wind instruments or kazoos

Breathing Ball
Photo ©2009 B.Gini

•breathe very quietly-(like a little lizard or a butterfly)

•use a "Breathing Ball" pictured at right  (See video here)

* Download a copy of our Breathing Ball activity here!

Breathing Ball Photo Card Download


We welcome your feedback! Tell us how you use breathing games in your classroom or therapy room by leaving a comment below!



.Contact Barbara at: barbara@bodylogique.com

Peace in A Jar

In a perfect world, we all would have some 'Peace in A Jar'. One we could keep on our desk or on our window sill. All we would have to do is open up the jar and let some 'Peace' out whenever we felt stressed or anxious and boom-all of our stress would be gone, and problems would be solved!

In reality, we know its not that easy. For both adults & children struggling with stressful lives, bullying, learning roadblocks or medical conditions, its even more of a challenge for us to first teach them about these abstract concepts,and secondly to navigate them through their struggles and empower them with ways to manage and overcome them.

'Peace In A Jar'  is another visual art tool I use in my children's yoga classes to illustrate the abstract concepts of  stress management. (for the adults, we call it "Serenity Jar" )

I was introduced to this idea through a children's book called  "Moody Cow Meditates"  by Kerry Lee McLean. In the book it was referred to as "mind in a jar". Whatever we call it, I have found that it has several very useful functions & and can be a simple visual reminder for adults as well. "Peace Jars"  are simple and inexpensive to make. I know several teachers who have creatively adapted this for their classrooms with success as well.  Each child can make one of their own, or there can be one single family/classroom (or office) jar.

Assemble your supplies

First, assemble the following items: a jar with a tight fitting screw top lid-(I prefer to use plastic ones for children-to avoid accidental breakage. Plastic mayonnaise or peanut butter jars washed thoroughly and the label removed work very well.) , lukewarm water, craft sand or fake 'snow' (found in craft stores), large glitter (do not use fine glitter-it does not work as well for this project) a few plastic sequins or confetti pieces, corn syrup or glycerin (found in a pharmacy), labels or paper and tape.

The simple steps are as follows:

Mix sand & glitter together

1-Mix the sand (or artificial snow) with a small amount of glitter & and add in some sequins until you have a colorful mixture. Set aside.

Add water & glycerin to jar

2-Pour water into the jar about 2/3 of the way to the top. Add some corn syrup or glycerin, until liquid is about 1/2 inch from the top of the jar. Mix well.

Label your "Peace Jar"

3-Take a label (or paper) and write "Peace Jar" (or "Serenity Jar") or on it and attach to the outside of your jar.

Add a scoop of sand for each time you felt angry 

4- Now, instruct your child or students to think of a time today, or this week, when they felt angry. Take a little scoop of sand, and dump it in the jar. That is their anger. Think of a time you (or they)  were upset or sad. Take another small scoop of sand and dump that into the jar. That is your sadness. Do this a few times, putting small scoops of sand into the jar, for every time you got upset.



5-Now, put the lid on the jar tightly, and shake it up. All the particles & debris will swirl around in the liquid like a tornado, making it look cloudy and dull. This is what happens inside of us when we are upset or angry. All our thoughts & feelings get stirred up and we can't see the situation clearly much less think clearly about what our choices are.

As the sand settles so does our anger

6-Then, set the jar down on a stable surface and watch it. Don't touch it, just watch. As the jar sits still, you will notice all the particles begin to settle to the bottom. We may have to sit and observe for a bit, but eventually, every particle of sand or glitter settles. This is what happens inside of us when we can settle down, observe &  remain still and quiet. All the thoughts & feelings swirling around eventually fall to the bottom, and we can see, think & understand more clearly and know better what choices to make.





For children, I expand the imagery to think of all the shiny sequins & glitter particles mixed in with the cloudy sand are like those feelings, friends, memories and circumstances that are happy & uplifting to us-the spots of 'light' (Serenity & Peace) in our sometimes murky & challenging lives. If we don't take time and sit still and look for those "shiny sparkly things"  as those heavier particles settle, we will never see them  or even know that they are there. This exercise teaches us to look for them as well.

From a sensory aspect, this is not only an exercise in focused attention, and strengthening concentration skills, but also a tool for visual processing-looking for the "sparkles" in the swirling sand. (One little girl called them "stars" and made wishes on them. She called her project a "Star Jar" ) 

When having a rough day, the child can shake their jar, and set it down & be instructed to just sit still as they can, breathe & watch their jar until all the sand settles. By the end of the few minutes it takes for the particles to drop they will feel calmer. Its another way to teach the vital life skills of patience, observation, self-control and self-calming.

It also illustrates that those things that upset us are always there, mixed in with the 'glitter', but if we can learn to calm and focus ourselves when things get 'shaken up', we can get control of our feelings, instead of our feelings getting control of us. Its up to us to decide which to focus on: the 'sand' or the 'sparkles'.

At this writing, my jar is almost full of sand & glitter. However it has become progressively easier for me to focus on those little tiny specks of light as I watch the sand settle.

When your jar gets full & starts getting too cloudy, you can just empty the water & discard the sand/glitter-letting go of all those irritations they represent and start over again.

As time passes, you will find that you put less and less sand in the jar-and find more and more 'Peace' within yourself .


To learn more about stress management for kids visit:
www.bodylogique.com

To order the "Moody Cow" book, click here

Grandfather Tells: (The Wolves Within)

A Cherokee Wisdom Story:

I first heard this story from Sydney Solis from StoryTime Yoga. I love its message and it applies so perfectly to some recent events so that is why it is July's Story of the month:

An old Grandfather said to his grandson, who came to him with anger at a friend who had done him an injustice, "Let me tell you a story. I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do.

But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times."

He continued, "It is as if there are two wolves inside me. One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him, and does not take offense when no offense was intended. he is joy, serenity, compassion, humility, benevolence, and truth."He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way.

But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. he is envy, greed, guilt, resentment, self pity, lies and false pride.  He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger, for his anger will change nothing.
"The same fight is going on inside you as well and inside every other person." He added.

Sometimes, it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit."

The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which one will win, Grandfather?"

The Grandfather smiled and quietly said, "The one I feed."

Feed the Peaceful wolf from day to day and leave the angry wolf to starve. That is my intention today & every day for each one of us.





*What is your favorite legend or Wisdom Story? Please feel free to post it in the comment box below!







For more Native American Stories Click Here


Click Here to see BodyLogique's Story Page


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