Kindness: The Gift You Pay Forward

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If you ask a random sampling of people what their best/favorite gift they ever received was, each will give you an answer unique to what is important to them. I love asking this question to kids, as the answers will make you smile and sometimes cry.

My best gift ever would be a toss up between two gifts- but if I had to pick just one, it would be one that was given about 15 years ago.

I was a single mom of two young sons, and had been laid off from my job, on my birthday, a few days after we returned from the Thanksgiving break.  Rent was due, Christmas was coming, I had no job and no one was hiring. No one as a parent wants to disappoint their kids, especially at this special time of year, and I felt overwhelmed and ill-equipped to handle Life as it was at that moment. Even though my sons did not believe in Santa anymore, they still enjoyed the holiday and getting gifts.  I struggled enough while I was working and had no idea how I was going to manage this while I was unemployed.

My neighbors, friends and even former co-workers were empathetic & helpful and would contact me about possible job openings and watch my sons if I needed while I went on interviews, but as each day went by, I felt myself become more and more stressed and discouraged.

One evening, about a week before Christmas, after a day of job hunting, the boys and I came home, carrying in a few groceries up the long stairway to the second floor, when I noticed a light on at the end of  the long hallway we called our apartment. I was very careful about turning off/unplugging lights and electronics, as I had to be frugal with electric use. I walked down the hall to investigate and into the living room fully expecting to see the floor lamp on.  I was stunned at what I saw instead.

There, in front of me was a live Christmas tree, set up, lit up, and fully decorated, complete with wrapped packages under it for the boys. Stockings were carefully hung (and filled) on the window sill and there was a card that read "Merry Christmas from Santa's Elves". Of course, I cried my eyes out. My boys re-discovered the magic of "Santa Clause" as they looked at each package to see who it was for. They assumed I has set this up for them and when I told them I did not, they were both very touched as I was.

I never did find out exactly who masterminded this or how although I do have an idea. No one had a key to my apartment, however, the door was not very secure and could easily be opened with a butter knife by anyone determined enough. Whoever it was, I can never thank them enough.

I hope that "Santa's Elves" realize how much their kindness affected me and my sons in a positive way that year and for years afterwards. To this day I can't re-tell this story without getting teary eyed and emotional. I did find new employment and moved forward, but that small act of kindness and thoughtfulness in the midst of transition and uncertainty helped me find my gratitude, and restored my temporary loss of faith in human nature as well as myself. It helped remind me that the best gifts really don't come in packages, and don't have a price tag. In the spirit of "Santa's Elves" and the kindness they showed us that year  I have paid this act forward many times, with the help of my sons as they grew up, and now my daughter, (who is the same age as my sons were  that year), gets to be a part of the tradition too.

Compassion and Kindness are  important Life Lessons to teach our children (and students) & is one way for us to keep perspective no matter what is thrown at us, what time of year it is, or which holiday we celebrate.

In the midst of all the adults stressing over holiday logistics, and family and what to buy and going into debt over gift-giving; and still others stressing over unemployment, heating bills, and putting food on the table, we can all be reminded that simple acts of thoughtfulness, kindness,compassion, empathy, friendship, togetherness, respect, tolerance & acceptance-(all are different forms of love) will never put you in debt because they don't cost a thing.

While its a beautiful thing to unwrap a gift box of something that has been carefully selected especially for us, those intangible gifts are also perfectly acceptable to give, and receive, at holidays or any other time. Kindness is always the right size & never goes out of style. It has a lifetime guarantee of a long-lasting positive effect on the recipient, (even if he/she is one of those people who can't/won't show it on the outside.)

Best of all, if you do decide to 're-gift', no one will ever fell slighted nor insulted; in fact re-giftinig is encouraged!

Wishing you and yours a Healthy, Happy & Abundant Holiday Season!

~Barbara



*Tell Us:  What is your most memorable gift ever and why? (Either from childhood or adulthood, material or otherwise.) Please tell us in the comments below!

Encouraging Social Interaction During Recreation & Recess

The debate regarding recess has been going on for years, with administrator's, parents and play advocates on different sides of the argument. However, I will always vote on the side of recess being a valuable learning experience for all children, especially the social aspects.

In the 1950's it was considered normal to have 3 recess periods throughout the school day. By 1998, 40%  of the schools in the United States had cut recess or considered it, opting to even build schools with no playgrounds. The reasons cited ran from fear of injury and lawsuits to problems with aggressive (rough) play and the idea that children playing is a 'waste of valuable instruction time'. (See references here.)


Being able to participate during recess creates a sense of release, freedom and self-reliance. There are so many valuable opportunities for students to initiate positive interactions with peers during recess & other recreational activities such as scouting, swimming, karate, dance, yoga and sporting activities. The social skills learned in these environments cannot be taught in a clinical environment or with a social story book alone. They need to practice those skills and interactions in real situations. If we take away these opportunities for children to learn, because we are afraid of what might happen, (as we do when we take away recess), we do them a huge disservice. We send the very clear message that we are afraid and don't trust them to handle & manage their own life. Fear is the wrong reason to make a decision & we have now taught them (by action and example) how to be fearful, helpless and dependent. How will a child gain confidence & trust himself if we don't first show confidence & trust in him?

I know what you are thinking: that fighting, bullying & roughhousing takes place on the playground. Kids can be cruel & get injured. Yes, sometimes it does sometimes they are and sometimes they do. All of these reasons for skipping recess are based on our own fears. If you take away recess, these things will still happen. There will always be shy children that are picked on and boisterous children that push buttons. When the 2 worlds collide, this is the time for an adult to step in and give the shy child tools to be more confident, the boisterous child ways to self-calm and guide them all, without labels, (such as 'bully'), drama or judgement, through the process of building more positive interactions. This is how children learn, not by eliminating the possibility of any social interaction at all.

The playground staff should be given intervention tools and be attentive to the children. Without electronic distractions, really observe them. Know when to step in, when to just stay nearby and let them work it out themselves. We don't have to solve every problem for them before it becomes a problem. Let them have the confidence to know that they are learning how to solve problems & conflicts & make better choices with the ways they can interact.  Be there to guide them, but let them know that you have confidence in them, and they will rise up to the higher standard you have set for them. This is true for all children, at any stage of development, including children with social challenges. Even if they cannot verbalize it, they can feel it and they know when we trust them and when we (out of fear) do not. Help them overcome their challenges, by overcoming your own projected fears.

To further illustrate why I think recess is a perfect place to teach social skills, I will leave you with a personal story.

Years ago, I worked in a public school in NJ and I shadowed a very energetic 9 year old girl  (I will call her 'Joy') with severe autism who had very sporadic spontaneous language skills and would not stay with any activity for very long (except My Little Pony computer games).

One day she was especially active, running randomly all around the playground, and avoiding my prompts and attempts to get her to engage in an activity or interact with any of the kids playing. She avoided eye contact and was humming to herself. Some would say that she was being 'non-compliant'. In particular, she kept slowly circling one area of the playground and then suddenly darting away from me & running right through the center of a ball field of 5th grade boys playing kickball.

After about the third time, I stopped her and asked: "Joy, would you like to play kickball?"  She immediately stopped squirming to get away from me, looked right at me and said "Yes Miss Barb."

I approached the boy who appeared to be running the game and I asked him  if they would mind of my student took a turn at kickball. (The kids all knew who she was.) He said 'sure' without any hesitation. I prompted her to ask for a turn, and they boy said to her "Sure Joy."

A few boys looked like they were going to protest, but this young man, looked at them all and said "okay, she's got a turn next." pointing to Joy and they all went along with it.

I walked up to the home plate with Joy and stood behind her. The boy rolled the ball gently to her. She kicked it awkwardly and then smiled and stood and watched it. The boys told her to run and on every one's prompt, she ran, with me at her side. I ran with her to each base and back home as she laughed and smiled and a few of the boys cheered her on.

When we got to home plate, I prompted her to say "Thank You. That was fun!". And she seemed to just lose interest and walked back to another area of the playground. However, the next day, she saw a different group of kids playing with a ball on the playground, and told me she wanted to play with them. I prompted her through the process again and she played for a few minutes before moving on to something else.

Not only did my student have the opportunity to learn how to ask to join a group, and how to be in the group, but the other children learned how to compromise, accept and include people who are different from themselves.

As for the boys that allowed Joy to play kickball, I followed up with their classroom teachers and made a point of recommending them for a "Student of the Week" Award. Their kindness will never be forgotten and I saw first hand how much it did for Joy that day.

No Character Education or Social Skills program can ever compare with this kind of spontaneous learning as what took place at recess that day or on any playground anywhere on any other day.

If you are a classroom assistant, paraprofessional or educator who wants to learn more about facilitating social learning at recess, here are several links to visit:



Recess: Supporting Social Participation of All Students

The Committee for Children

Kids Play Unplugged

Head Start Body Start


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Contact: barbara@bodylogique.com

Give & Take

One of the things that yoga has taught me on so many levels is the lesson of balance. Not just in the poses, or the way I stand, sit and walk, but also in the way I contract and relax muscles as I work & move through my day. In my breathing. In my thoughts and  speech and in my every action. In my work and play and in my emotions. I've learned that there must be balance in all things.

The hardest thing I have had to learn over the years would have to be balance in my relationships, specifically in the area of  "Give and Take."

I am an oldest child. I grew up putting my needs aside to take care of my younger brother. I became a mother at 18 and again at 36 and put my needs aside to care for my children. My family raised me to be polite, compassionate & giving. They taught me to put myself in others shoes, understand and empathize with the needs of others and that the world did not revolve around only me. They taught me how to give the very best of myself at all times.

The thing they forgot to teach me though was how to take-how to receive. I've have a hard time with that, from not asking for help when I need it to not wanting to say 'no' to someone who really needs help. Its natural for me to just help whoever is asking me. Saying 'no' - and taking something instead of giving- has been one of the toughest, but most important lessons that I have learned through my life experiences. It is one that I have done my best to instill in my children.

Giving can be a wonderful thing, unless you are giving until you have nothing left. Its like draining a battery-you have to allow it to recharge once and a while in order for it to work properly. Does that sound selfish? Well, maybe it is, but selfish is not always bad unless its in excess. How can we really give to and help others if we don't recognize and take care of our own needs first? Its what we are supposed to do. Ultimately, the only one we have to answer to on this plane is ourselves and If we don't do that, then we have nothing real or substantial to give to anyone else.  It is just as important to receive than it is to give.

The intention with which we give is also just as important as how much we give. Why do we give? Out of guilt? Out of expectations of someone else? Peer pressure or social status? Because someone gave to us? Or because we have something of value to an individual or group that we want to share with them? Each type of giving feels different and will either recharge your battery or drain it.

There are many ways to give and it does not always have to be something expensive, 'as seen on TV" and gift wrapped. For all the enjoyment we get out of giving, we know that ultimately, we get tired and bored with our 'stuff,' and so do others. Most of those gifts we give and receive will wind up in a drawer or closet within the next year or so. But when we give our attention, our time, our friendship, our unique talent & memorable experiences, these are the most priceless, useful and personal gifts that money can't buy!

As we come into this season of giving, talk with children about both giving, receiving and the etiquette for both. Teach them how to strike a balance between the two. Remind your children that gifts come in many shapes and sizes and the best gift you could ever give is to help around the house or to be a good friend to someone who may be having  hard time. Teach them the proper way to ask for something-whether that means asking for help or a new video game.
If they want new toys and games, have them go through the ones they already have and give away the ones they no longer use. This has been a fall ritual for my kids and myself for about 25 years. There are many schools and organizations that will gladly take gently used items: coats, sweaters, boots, etc. along with dolls and books and other toys that sit unused in the closet or basement. It helps to make room for the new things we want-materially and symbolically. When children do this regularly and as a habit, it allows them to maintain balance. It allows them to not only to appreciate the act of giving, but also to enjoy & understand the value of receiving much more.

Most of all, set an example and allow yourself  the pleasure of receiving. Put yourself on your holiday gift list.  Accept someone's offer to help you. Say 'no' to people who cross boundaries. Shut off your cellphone and electronics for a few hours so you can have some undisturbed quiet. Do something for you. When was the last time you took yourself to a movie, a cooking class or had a spa day to yourself?  This is the time for you to do that. Pretend its from Santa.

If you don't celebrate Christmas, pretend its from all of those, known and unknown people whom you have given to and helped over the years. Its a Thank You from the Universe for all the good work you have done here. Accept it and receive it graciously and enjoy!


*What are some of the best gifts that you have given or received for the holidays or a birthday? Please tell us about it in the comments below!



Below is an article link that I saw about a 69 year old woman who has taken Giving & Receiving to the next level. I find it both interesting and fascinating although I don't know that I would have the courage to try it!   “Gib und Nimm” (Give and Take).


Read more about the spirit of giving here:
La Befana


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Introducing Yoga in the Classroom

My favorite classroom is definitely the outdoor one, but as the weather gets colder and damper, I take my yoga adventures inside to classrooms and living rooms across PA & NJ.

If you have ever watched children move and play, you will notice how different their activity is from an adult's. There are short bursts of energy, followed by a lull, followed by another burst, etc. Traditional classrooms are an unnatural environment for children to be in before a certain age because they need to move. Expecting them to sit still and be quiet for long periods of time is not only futile, but stressful. This is where a well thought out and cleverly implemented yoga program can help them stay engaged in learning and the adults engaged in teaching.

Yoga is a complete holistic health system that has been used for thousands of years. Although we tend to think of yoga as a mysterious exercise that only the flexible can do, this is not true! Yoga exercises are designed to regulate the nervous and glandular systems and is an activity for everyone. Most children take naturally to yoga. It can be adapted to any age or ability, making it accessible to any child (or adult) who wants to try it, even children with adaptive needs. No special skills or equipment is needed, and all participants will derive some benefit from the movement, the breathing, the relaxation as well as the sense of belonging to a part of a group and participating in a community.


By moving, 'posing' & making noises like animals, (or mountains, stars, trees & other natural objects), and by using creative stories, we make yoga fun and dynamic for children so they can better understand their own outer & inner natures, as well as the nature of the people and world around them. In addition, an opportunity is created to meet new friends & move & exercise, grow & build healthy bodies & minds. Yoga gives them the experience of having naturally integrated senses through play, imagination and movement. It calms them and re-focuses their attention on the activity at hand, allowing them to live in the moment.


Yoga is a versatile tool that can be used by children (and grownups) to release frustrated pent-up energy, to self-calm and reduce stress in the classroom (before a test) at home (before bedtime) or anytime & anywhere the need arises. Movement & Sensory games can help release tension, build physical strength, character and confidence & can be done indoors or outside. Yoga can infuse fun into rote or predictable learning.


You do not have to be an experienced yoga teacher to begin exploring movement with children in the classroom. Start slowly and build a sequence. Our Pose Page can help acquaint you with some of the movements and games that are played in a adaptive or non-adaptive yoga group class. Try some of these at home with your child or in the classroom with your students. Have fun with it and try making up your own poses & movements. If you are studying Egypt for example, ask the children: "What would my body look like as a sphinx?" or "Who can be the most strong, steady pyramid?"

If you are studying the Planets, get in your rocket ships (chairs) and blast off into space-go on a space walk-moving very slowly as you explore. See the constellations Leo, Orion, Ursa Major and ask "How would my body look if it was the constellation....." ? You can incorporate flashlights, music, puppets or any other prop as you teach each lesson.

By moving the body, the brain becomes more learning ready and integrates information more quickly and permanently. By making the lesson come alive with a fun story, movement or props, you have now taken learning to another level.
Here are some General Suggestions for introducing Yoga in The Classroom:

• Yoga in The Classroom can be of great benefit to all students & staff! Its best to set up a daily or weekly routine so the children know what to expect.
• In a Yoga studio shoes are off at the door, you get your mat, find your space and sit or lie quietly waiting for class to begin. You can designate a time, area & routine for yoga much in this same manner, using this same procedure as a template.
• Yoga sessions should be of a length to suit the age/ability/attention span you are working with. In general, the younger the children, or for children with sensory/cognitive challenges, the shorter the class.
  
• For an elementary class 20- 30 minutes is good. For a Middle school child 30-50 minutes and High school an hour is fine for a formal practice. Teaching in a conventional classroom may not allow this duration, so short 5- 15 minute intervals of movement & incorporation of various techniques such as storytelling, breathing & art & imagery can be used effectively to release excess or nervous energy, re-focus, relax and reduce overall stress. Highly effective prior to test-taking!

• Remember that yoga is called a "practice"... it is not called a "perfect" & it does not have to be! Encourage children to do their best! Just watch your students or children have fun & remind yourself to do the same!

*For more information click the links below.
 
Adaptive Yoga
 
Individualized Yoga Programming
 
E-Learning
 
 
 
*To contact us regarding program development or consulting, e-mail: barbara@bodylogique.com