Do Dolls Influence Girl's Self-Image?

PHOTO: thestir.cafemom.com 

This topic fits in well with the series I am working on that addresses girl's self-esteem.

There has been huge debate over Barbie dolls and whether or not they cause an inferior body image in young girls and I'd like to weigh in on this-pun not intended.

Today I came across the article: Artist Creates Barbie with Average Size Body.

First of all I love both of these dolls, but I do question if we really want to encourage our kids-especially our daughters- to be 'average'? I want my daughter to be anything but average. I want her to stand out and excel. With that being said, I think that we are making too big a deal of the doll's influence over our kids brains, thoughts, emotions and body image. We are in charge of shaping a child's attitudes-not the dolls.

We need to keep in mind first, that this doll does not look like a real woman because its not. Its a doll. A toy. Its not supposed to be real. Its supposed to engage the child in creative play, fantasy & spark the imagination.

Secondly, we need to remember that the doll itself, (nor does any toy), has no intrinsic power to influence anyone at all, but as parents, we do. I think we are focused in the wrong direction and missing a huge teaching opportunity. Although our intentions are good, don't you think we do way more damage by bashing the "skinny" Barbie and trying to push a "normal' Barbie? Who is to say and decide what is "normal' anyway? Is this really about our kids well-being or more about the pressure we feel as parents & educators to do what the rest of the herd is doing? Or is it simply about our own body image insecurities? We need to not only ask these questions, but look for the answers.

Think about this: we have gone out of our way to teach our kids to 'include' and 'accept' others as they are...we've ended the 'R' word and put people first; we've raised awareness, and research money for every possible physical defect & learning disability; we've embraced cultural diversity; we've recognized 'bullying' as a National Epidemic and have 'anti-bullying' programs to address it.

Then what do we turn around and do? We judge, bash & essentially bully 'Skinny Barbie' for being 'too thin', 'not normal' and 'imperfect'. Has anyone wondered how confusing a message this must be to kids who have been taught that making fun of someone's appearance is bad?

In our efforts to make a perfectly diverse, safe and politically correct world for our kids, we forget that our own words, attitudes, expectations and most importantly our behavior teaches and influences children & youth more than any inanimate object ever will.

What I'm saying is don't let your own fears project into your child's head, and put a "bad body image" thought there in the first place, where it probably was not until you brought it up. This is a 54 year old toy we are talking about. Girls have played with this toy for decades-and there has been no evidence of any psychological damage because of it. This is an irrational fear that has been placed in us, (because we all want to be good parents) and we need to recognize and overcome it. Give your kids, and your own parenting some credit and stop giving inanimate objects so much power over your child and over your parenting decisions.

The best thing we can do to inoculate our children against poor self-esteem, bad body image, etc. is be there for them-observe them, talk with them, engage with & play with them, and most importantly listen to them. Teach them how to think for themselves, and don't put limiting thoughts into their heads, even if its a fear or concern we have. Teach them how to adapt & overcome outdated paradigms and to see things for what they really are-in this case, a doll.

If you question whether or not this doll (or any toy) is appropriate, then play with your child-use the doll-in-question as a tool- create scenarios in which problems are solved, good values are instilled, and health, acceptance, inclusion, and diversity is embraced. But don't fall into the trap of using a doll-or any toy-as an excuse to perpetuate exclusion based on appearance, just because there is a trend and push for it. By doing this we are reinforcing exactly what we don't want and in addition, teaching children how to conform to a particular way of thinking instead of thinking for themselves. Kids notice when we contradict ourselves, and how on earth can they trust and listen to the advice of someone who sends conflicting messages?

If  you truly feel that this Barbie is damaging to your child's self-image, then why not, instead of insisting they re-design Barbie to look 'real', insist instead that toy companies make dolls of all different shapes and sizes and then ensure your child has one of each? I think this would be a more healthy way to model ways to celebrate all girls-skinny, curvy, and in between, exactly as they are.

I would like to hear from you-especially any licensed psychologists: how do you feel about this issue of body image? Do you think dolls & toys in general have any influence on girl's self-image? Additionally, if you know of any studies that definitively prove that dolls lead to body image problems, please include a link along with your comments below!


Contact: bodylogique@yahoo.com


Read our online newspaper, "Inspire Educator's Daily" here!

.

In Case You Missed It : July 2-6

Happy Friday Everyone!

We hope you are all safe, healthy, hydrated and have had a fantastic Holiday week.

Here are our favorite links for the week of July 2-6-Enjoy!





Children's Books that Celebrate America

Autism Safety: Wandering

Why Your Children Need More Unstructured Play This Summer

Helping Your Child Develop Positive Body Image

The Power Of Glow Sticks

Support Self Esteem Development in Children



For more Summer Activities visit us at: www.bodylogique.com  



.

Are Our Kids Over-Praised and Under-Challenged?

Photo: girlguides.ca

I attended my teen age niece's recital this weekend. The one thing that struck me the most in each of the 50 or so numbers was that none of the kids looked like they had any energy or like they were having any fun. Their performances and the overall tone of the whole recital reflected that.

My niece knew it was not the best they could have done and was very distressed over it. The dance steps were there, and they were strung together but there was no energy nor passion behind them.

After listening to my niece and  and some of her friends, it was determined that the dance teachers while generous with positive reinforcement & praise, rarely corrected their technique, posture or stage presence. They were always told that they looked "awesome". The girls knew after their performance that something lacked and one them said " I wish someone had told us that we looked sloppy. None of it felt right. I'm so embarrassed". What should have been a happy and fun event turned into an upsetting yet eye opening experience for them all.

Alfie Kohn, author of the book “Punished by Rewards,” has said that most praise, especially for effort alone, encourages children to become “praise junkies” and more dependent on outside feedback rather than helping to cultivate their own awareness, sense of inner judgment and self-motivation. Too much praise deters them from learning more and from wanting to do their very best.

Have we become so obsessed with trying to make kids 'feel good' about themselves and over-praising them that we’ve lost sight of how to challenge & help them to build the actual skills they need to achieve, excel and ultimately enjoy activities more?

In the yoga community and especially with special needs children, there is a tendency towards what I call the obligatory "Good Job" syndrome, and a push towards "non-competitive" games and activities. I have often questioned whether this is really helping kids in the long run? I always like to bring an element of calculated challenge and fun competition into my classes so that the kids stay motivated and engaged. Otherwise, I am just making them sit on a piece of recycled rubber, crawl & stand around like animals or trees and imposing abstract ideas on them that mean nothing in their world outside of the studio.

I am seeing in my own experience, that although our intentions are good, and we want to include everyone, and not cause a child to become upset, disappointed & de-motivated, we might want to re-think our approach. We have gone to an extreme with the 'self-esteem movement' and we need to remember that telling our kids they are great does not make it true. In their hearts, our kids know when they have done their best and when they have not. We do them a huge dis-service by lying to them and training them to expect praise. Instead of building confidence & self-esteem, we are making them feel more insecure about themselves, their own abilities and how others see them.

The truth is, challenges, competitions, winning, losing, doing our best or being average does matter in the real world, and we all have to live in the real world at some point. When we achieve a goal or 'win' a competition, we know we have done our best. We feel it and have a sense of achievement and confidence. When we fail or lose, we know we need to examine where we could improve and do better next time. The challenge lies in our own self-improvement. We need to teach kids that. We need to stop confusing "challenge" and "competition" with 'feeling insecure over losing' & 'fearing that others are somehow better',  because they are not the same thing. We need to stop giving out vague and insincere praise.

By challenging and working the muscles of our bodies, they will grow and become stronger. A stronger muscle helps us do more. Our minds and our characters work in the same way: They both need a variety of challenges through experience in order to grow.

As was demonstrated by the recital I attended, it is vital for parents and teachers to be clear with children about what an exceptional, first rate performance looks like so they know what to aim for:

Unhelpful: 
It looked fantastic & I think you did a great job! You were robbed! Those judges must be blind!

Helpful:
Try bringing your arms up higher. That's better. Stand tall and pull your arms in towards your center when you spin to help your balance. How does that feel now. That looks better. OK,do it again.

Helping kids & teenagers, especially those with special needs, to learn from their mistakes and failures is far more constructive and a more practical life skill than coming up with excuses for falling short. Adaptations are fine and sometimes very necessary, but over-accommodation and over-praise tells a child that we don't trust them to improve and that they are not important enough to know the truth. It reveals to them our own doubts and fears about their abilities and in effect tells them to not bother trying. We think we are keeping them 'safe' but ultimately, we are placing them in a more vulnerable position.
 
I have found that kids respect the truth and if you give them a clear and reasonably challenging target, and do it in the spirit of fun, they will move towards it. This is true for physical skills, math, reading, writing, dance, sports or any other activity that they are engaging in and its true for most children regardless of their abilities.
 
A perfect example of this is the Special Olympics programs. If you have never witnessed an event, I urge you to find a local one and just watch. Its inspiring and humbling. Recently, athlete leaders have suggested that the organization may have actually set expectations for their athletes too low and needs to raise them. While Special Olympics continues to offer opportunities to athletes of all ability levels, they are additionally embracing a new model that emphasizes health & sports based activities, training & education that challenges &  encourages each athlete to achieve his or her own personal best.

Self esteem cannot be given through empty, false praise and cannot be imposed on kids externally in any way. It cannot be handed to them in a gift bag with a pretty bow or through flattering words. It can only be earned by the individual through overcoming challenges, learning from mistakes and expecting them to do their very best.


 
How do you keep yourself, your students, dancers or athletes motivated & challenged to do their best?  Do you ever tell them they did "great" when they really didn't?  Tell us in the comments below.
 
 
 
 
Related:
 
 
Spontaneous Engagement Through Play
 
 
A recent article in the Washington Post discusses how many schools are also getting away from the practice of over-praising.  Read article here: Self-Esteem Boosting is Losing Favor to Rigor, Finely Tuned Praise



Subscribe to this blog by E-Mail !

A Tool for Self Control: Mountain Pose

"Tall Mountain" Pose

Earth and sky, woods and fields, lakes and rivers, the mountain and the sea, are excellent schoolmasters, and teach some of us more than we can ever learn from books.   ~John Lubbock

What do earth, sky, lakes, rivers, mountains and the sea teach us? Or more accurately, what do they teach us about our own nature?

My OT partner Lisa and I recently selected  mountains as a teaching imagery for our Thursday night yoga therapy group.

One 9 year old student was having difficulty standing still in line during dance recitals and practices and was given constant reminders to stop fidgeting. This made her anxious and she would forget her routine. It was a cycle that was becoming very stressful for her and she could not enjoy her dance events. We wanted to give her a useful tool so she could self-regulate while waiting for her turn to dance or in line at school or anywhere she felt fidgety.

We selected "Mountain Pose" because of the versatility, adaptability & ease of execution. Most children can learn it quickly & practice the posture with success. The posture is a transitional pose, easily executed. Its benefits & effects are immediate and yet so underestimated.

Lisa has a huge photographic mural of a lake surrounded by mountains so we showed the group one evening and asked them each to give a brief description of how the mountains looked to them. Some words they used were: tall, strong, large, quiet, pretty, snowy (at the top) graceful, peaceful and green. We gave our own descriptions, and pointed out that the mountains were all of these things, and also very sturdy and stable at the bottom (the 'base') and very light and graceful at the top. The middle was just right-nice and strong holding the top and bottom together.

We demonstrated to them how to "be like a mountain in [their] bodies" by showing them "Mountain Pose". As each of them practiced Lisa used their descriptive words for reinforcement & pointed out key areas for them to think of:

• *feet slightly apart and even with each other toes pointed straight ahead
• spine straight
• tummy strong
• head lifted high
• eyes facing forward
• arms at sides
• heels and toes pressing down into the ground

*(Normally the pose is done feet together. However, the adapted version,  feet slightly apart, makes it easier for children with poor balance. Feet are gradually moved closer together as the student demonstrates he or she is ready.We use 15" diameter circles cut from regular yoga mats and have the kids place their feet on either outer edge of their"Peace Circle"). 

We had the children practice while on their mats. The mats gave them a boundary to work within. Then came the test to see which mountains were 'sturdy'. I walked around to Lisa then to the students and stood behind each to gently push the upper arms sideways to see if I could "Move the Mountains" left or right. As I began to apply pressure, each student responded by "pushing" back equally to stabilize against the amount of pressure I was applying. We used this opportunity to get feedback from the children themselves asking:

• Could I move them or Were they sturdy/stable/strong?
• If they moved when pushed, what could they do to be more sturdy?
• How could they put their feet (their 'base")  to be more sturdy?
• How could their arms help to be more stable? etc.

If they didn't know the answer then we made suggestions. The kids were aware and insightful with self-evaluation & did well with adjusting their own postures to be stronger immovable mountains. We even showed them how to practice "Mountain Pose" while seated in a chair.

Breathing was emphasized. "Breathing into your feet" and "back out your nose again" reminded the children to keep their breath flowing and be aware of their feet (sturday base) connecting them with the ground.

'Tiny Mountain' Pose

We talked about examples of when to use this posture, such as in line for the bus, in the cafeteria, at the grocery store and of course we specifically addressed dance recitals. (I said that my daughter used it when she got really nervous and it helped her stay calm and feel confident.) We reminded them that each one of them had a strong, beautiful, peaceful mountain inside and could remember to be like it whenever they needed to.

Our relaxation that evening reflected a "Peaceful Mountain" themed imagery for reinforcement.

Last night, our student's mother told us that this simple imagery and posture tool was a very useful one for her daughter and that she remembered to use it unprompted during a dance event last weekend. It kept her calm, focused, less nervous and able to stay in line waiting to perform. She made the connection between the strong peaceful nature of a mountain, and that of her own strong peaceful self  & she really enjoyed herself at the event.

The students continue to use the tools we give them and to teach us different ways to apply them in everyday life. Each class as I learn more about the group, I learn more about myself too.

I learn to be as trusting & willing to try new things as they are.

I learn that the analogies & words I use to teach them are also ones that I need to hear and remember for myself.

And I learn how to move mountains.

Or not.




.

Making it Personal

Jedi Warrior Pose builds confidence!

One of my favorite aspects of my work is the family interactions during private yoga sessions. The students and the families give me such insight and it is a great thing for me to learn something unique and personal from every family I work with.

Last summer, I created a customized, adaptive yoga program for a young man based on "Star Wars", something he loved and understood. He responded so well to many of the activities and characters, especially the imagery of the "Stormtroopers" (disrupters)  "Jedis" (restorers of Peace). I made up a daily sequence for him to practice to help him build strength, balance and to feel more in control of situations and transitions.

The set was a series of  "Warrior" poses, and I called it the "Jedi Sequence".  There was a poem that went with it that we called the Jedi Chant. Jack has used this set and its imagery in situations at school, as a familiar way to maintain or regain a sense of inner calm during turmoil or when he needs time to process a situation.

Sometimes, when working with children on the spectrum, its a challenge to explain the deeper concepts and self-evaluation that goes along with the asana (pose) practice. This is where family support is so vital to the process of learning yoga or any therapeutic/educational activity.

Jack's mother was recently telling someone about a situation:

"Monday afternoon, Jack explained to me that kids at school were being mean. Kids were butting in the bathroom line. I asked him if he told them to stop, they were being rude. He said no. I told him to stand up for himself, that it's okay to assert himself and say that something isn't right. If that doesn't work, then go to the teacher.

I was reminded of his 'Warrior Poses' from Barbara, Jack's "Jedi Sequence & Chant":

"I am Strong, I am Bold, My Own Power I can hold, I open My Heart, I protect My Soul, I spread Peace Wherever I go."

We've discussed this as a family many times before, but I think it's a mantra that can work for many of us, not just those with Special Needs.

We've explained it like this:

• I am Strong (in my brain and body)
• I am Bold (without fear, courageous)
• My Own Power I can hold (I can keep my emotions appropriate & not let anyone take my power from me. If I let a bully or a negative situation get to me, I am letting him take my power from me)
• I open My Heart (be loving)
• I protect my Soul (don't let anyone take advantage of you)
• I spread Peace Wherever I go (talk nicely, respect others).

This is what it means to us and our family."

This mom was able to help Jack understand a stressful situation, ways to navigate it and reduce his anxiety about it by beautifully personalizing the "Jedi" imagery.

The important thing to understand about yoga or any other method of  learning, for adults as well as children, is not so much to learn the activity, (in this case the poses) or even the rhyme. The "Chant" is just a way for the poses to be remembered in order. The poses or movements are a way for the body to understand the words. But the most powerful thing of all is that this family sat and talked about what it personally meant to them. They applied it to their life and a specific situation in such a way that the child could effectively use these tools.  This adds much more value to a generic lesson. Without that support and insight, the movement sequence is just that-another movement sequence. It must be meaningful to the individual practicing/doing it or they will not be engaged nor motivated to try/do it again.

This week, in every aspect of life, look for more ways to 'make it personal': build personal meaning into the activities, lessons and tools that you give to yourself , your students and children. This is ultimately how they will learn to broaden their problem solving skills and understand how to better navigate through the rough spots and overcome life's bigger challenges.

*I would be happy to send a copy of the "Jedi Sequence" to anyone who would like one. Please e-mail your request to:

barbara@bodylogique.com


.

Let's Play!

Photo ©2006, B.Gini

Have you taken time to play with your children & teens lately? 

It seems that our society is compelled to discourage play as 'unproductive' in favor of imposing knowledge through drill and repetition & pressuring kids to 'learn' more & more facts, even before they can stand, walk or talk. But what about playing? Where does that fit in?

One of the reasons that I love teaching children yoga is because we are learning while we are playing. (Three of my favorite activities all at the same time!) Maybe its that element of play that I miss in my adult life, and I am recapturing it for myself as I work with the kids, but it has made me aware of what engages them.

Play makes healthy activities like yoga more available for children by harnessing the exciting elements of surprise, imagination, spontaneous problem solving and using them as a vehicle to engage & teach children a variety of tangible and abstract topics:  the science of  health, yogasana (postures), anatomy, movement, nutrition, biology, astronomy, history, mythology, world cultures, manners, character development and more. This now becomes not only recreational, but therapeutic and educational as well. The kids become more healthy, they learn incidentally and in a natural, relaxed manner and retain what they learn without a single lecture, worksheet, quiz, exam or 'standardized' test. They have fun playing and have no idea that they are learning too!

For the past 100 years, many educators and scientists have developed play theories:

Herbert Spencer, psychologist and philosopher, (1820) stated that humans have a constant amount of energy that must be expended. Early in our existence, that energy was used meeting survival needs. As our civilization has advanced, less energy was used meeting these needs. We compensate by releasing our excess energy through play.

Sigmund Freud, psychoanalyst, (1856) suggested that play was a therapeutic way of expressing socially unacceptable behaviors in a more acceptable manner.

Karl Groos, zoologist, (1861) studied play first in animals, then in humans. He explained that play was a way of preparing for survival in the adult world.

Maria Montessori, (1870), elaborated on Karl Groos' theory. She proposed that children would be better off if they spent their play learning, or imagining, useful things. These two theorists feel that "play is the child's work."

Jean Piaget, psychologist, (1896) focused on intellectual development in children. He suggested that human intellect develops in stages through assimilation (transforming the environment to meet the requirements of self), or play, and accommodation (transforming self to meet the requirements of the environment), or work.

Lev Vygotsky, psychologist, (1896) emphasizes social development aspect of play. He suggests that there is an ability level that children can reach but not without help from adults, which he refers to as a zone of proximal development, or ZPD. When children play, they give cues to adults about their readiness to learn new skills with assistance.

David Elkind, chair of the Department of Child Development at Tufts University, suggests that children play for personal reasons, and any developmental value is beside the point. In other words, they just want to have fun!

Many in depth studies have been done on the effects of movement and spontaneous play on brain development & the data shows overwhelmingly that there are numerous benefits to play on many levels: physical, emotional, social, cognitive, sensory, affective, attentional, receptive and expressive verbal as well as experiential/educational. Movement is the way our brains develop and play is the way we move. Play has been used successfully by educators as a specific methodology for educating & working with children. Play is the Child's Work!

 
But what about grownups?
 

Childhood is the time of our life when we feel most alive, because of the way we play, and use our bodies & imaginations, although many of us don't remember this as adults. As childhood gives way to adulthood, many of us just stop playing. We exchange play for studying, work, family and other responsibilities. When we finally do have some 'free' time, we sit in front of the TV or computer rather than engaging in some brain-and-body stimulating active play.

By giving ourselves permission to play we can continue to reap its benefits throughout life.

Both indoor and outdoor play is a necessary activity for both children and adults. It teaches us how to manage and change our "negative" experiences. It helps relieve stress, and connects us to others, nature and the world around us.

So what are you waiting for? Go find a child-your child (maybe your inner child) - and Let's Play!

Physical Benefits of Play:

•gross motor learning

•fine motor skills
•body awareness
•balance & flexibility
•sensory integration
•improved metabolism
•improved heart and lung functions
•tension release
•brain/body integration

Social/Emotional Benefits of Play:

•cooperation
•sharing
•turn-taking
•conflict resolution
•leadership skills
•self-control
•self-expression
•confidence
•anxiety reduction
•fun, enjoyment, love & belonging

*What are your favorite creative ideas for indoor/outdoor play? We'd love to hear about them! Please leave a comment below!



RESOURCES:

 BodyLogique® 


Read More:
 
UN Convention on the Rights of the Child
 
Play=Learning: How Play Motivates & Enhances Children’s Cognitive & Social-Emotional growth.  (New York, NY: Oxford University Press)

The Benefits of Play and Playwork- ( playscotland.org)
 
Montessori Philosophy & Practice







Subscribe to S.M.Art Kids / Healthy Kids by Email
.

Encouraging Social Interaction During Recreation & Recess

The debate regarding recess has been going on for years, with administrator's, parents and play advocates on different sides of the argument. However, I will always vote on the side of recess being a valuable learning experience for all children, especially the social aspects.

In the 1950's it was considered normal to have 3 recess periods throughout the school day. By 1998, 40%  of the schools in the United States had cut recess or considered it, opting to even build schools with no playgrounds. The reasons cited ran from fear of injury and lawsuits to problems with aggressive (rough) play and the idea that children playing is a 'waste of valuable instruction time'. (See references here.)


Being able to participate during recess creates a sense of release, freedom and self-reliance. There are so many valuable opportunities for students to initiate positive interactions with peers during recess & other recreational activities such as scouting, swimming, karate, dance, yoga and sporting activities. The social skills learned in these environments cannot be taught in a clinical environment or with a social story book alone. They need to practice those skills and interactions in real situations. If we take away these opportunities for children to learn, because we are afraid of what might happen, (as we do when we take away recess), we do them a huge disservice. We send the very clear message that we are afraid and don't trust them to handle & manage their own life. Fear is the wrong reason to make a decision & we have now taught them (by action and example) how to be fearful, helpless and dependent. How will a child gain confidence & trust himself if we don't first show confidence & trust in him?

I know what you are thinking: that fighting, bullying & roughhousing takes place on the playground. Kids can be cruel & get injured. Yes, sometimes it does sometimes they are and sometimes they do. All of these reasons for skipping recess are based on our own fears. If you take away recess, these things will still happen. There will always be shy children that are picked on and boisterous children that push buttons. When the 2 worlds collide, this is the time for an adult to step in and give the shy child tools to be more confident, the boisterous child ways to self-calm and guide them all, without labels, (such as 'bully'), drama or judgement, through the process of building more positive interactions. This is how children learn, not by eliminating the possibility of any social interaction at all.

The playground staff should be given intervention tools and be attentive to the children. Without electronic distractions, really observe them. Know when to step in, when to just stay nearby and let them work it out themselves. We don't have to solve every problem for them before it becomes a problem. Let them have the confidence to know that they are learning how to solve problems & conflicts & make better choices with the ways they can interact.  Be there to guide them, but let them know that you have confidence in them, and they will rise up to the higher standard you have set for them. This is true for all children, at any stage of development, including children with social challenges. Even if they cannot verbalize it, they can feel it and they know when we trust them and when we (out of fear) do not. Help them overcome their challenges, by overcoming your own projected fears.

To further illustrate why I think recess is a perfect place to teach social skills, I will leave you with a personal story.

Years ago, I worked in a public school in NJ and I shadowed a very energetic 9 year old girl  (I will call her 'Joy') with severe autism who had very sporadic spontaneous language skills and would not stay with any activity for very long (except My Little Pony computer games).

One day she was especially active, running randomly all around the playground, and avoiding my prompts and attempts to get her to engage in an activity or interact with any of the kids playing. She avoided eye contact and was humming to herself. Some would say that she was being 'non-compliant'. In particular, she kept slowly circling one area of the playground and then suddenly darting away from me & running right through the center of a ball field of 5th grade boys playing kickball.

After about the third time, I stopped her and asked: "Joy, would you like to play kickball?"  She immediately stopped squirming to get away from me, looked right at me and said "Yes Miss Barb."

I approached the boy who appeared to be running the game and I asked him  if they would mind of my student took a turn at kickball. (The kids all knew who she was.) He said 'sure' without any hesitation. I prompted her to ask for a turn, and they boy said to her "Sure Joy."

A few boys looked like they were going to protest, but this young man, looked at them all and said "okay, she's got a turn next." pointing to Joy and they all went along with it.

I walked up to the home plate with Joy and stood behind her. The boy rolled the ball gently to her. She kicked it awkwardly and then smiled and stood and watched it. The boys told her to run and on every one's prompt, she ran, with me at her side. I ran with her to each base and back home as she laughed and smiled and a few of the boys cheered her on.

When we got to home plate, I prompted her to say "Thank You. That was fun!". And she seemed to just lose interest and walked back to another area of the playground. However, the next day, she saw a different group of kids playing with a ball on the playground, and told me she wanted to play with them. I prompted her through the process again and she played for a few minutes before moving on to something else.

Not only did my student have the opportunity to learn how to ask to join a group, and how to be in the group, but the other children learned how to compromise, accept and include people who are different from themselves.

As for the boys that allowed Joy to play kickball, I followed up with their classroom teachers and made a point of recommending them for a "Student of the Week" Award. Their kindness will never be forgotten and I saw first hand how much it did for Joy that day.

No Character Education or Social Skills program can ever compare with this kind of spontaneous learning as what took place at recess that day or on any playground anywhere on any other day.

If you are a classroom assistant, paraprofessional or educator who wants to learn more about facilitating social learning at recess, here are several links to visit:



Recess: Supporting Social Participation of All Students

The Committee for Children

Kids Play Unplugged

Head Start Body Start


Subscribe to S.M.Art Kids / Healthy Kids by Email



.
Contact: barbara@bodylogique.com

Birthday Boxes

My daughter celebrated her birthday this week along with several of my yoga students. Of course her favorite part is the gift opening. Birthdays are so special to kids and we all love to open packages with a surprise inside, but after I became a mother I have to say that now my favorite part of celebrations is watching a child-especially my own- open a gift.

Here is one way you can incorporate birthday celebrations and social skills into a children's yoga class a traditional learning environment or even in the home.

A while back, I found a colorful birthday gift box (pictured at left) in the Dollar Store and bought it originally to put a gift in, but the box was too small for the gift I had gotten. Rather than throw it out, I have turned it into my special "Birthday Wish Box".

In this activity I have the children sit in a circle. Each child then gets a turn to 'put' birthday wishes inside the box either by saying them into the box or by writing them on slips of paper and placing them inside. (This activity works best for children 6 or older.)

Each child is encouraged to look at the birthday child as they are doing this and to speak clearly and slowly. (Sometimes they need help with prompts.)  The birthday child is encouraged to do the same and look at the person talking to them. Everyone uses their listening skills, letting one person talk at a time, and remembers their manners with a "Thank You" after each wish is given. The 'gifts' and sentiments are thoughtful, heartfelt and sincere, even among supposed 'enemies'.  Both the givers and the receiver feel valued, cared for and special. The positive atmosphere carries throughout the whole day.

At the end, the birthday child has a turn: a wish for themselves and a wish for their friends.

This idea can be adapted so many ways. You can use an ordinary box with a bow on it-and it does not have to be a "Birthday Box. It can be a " Positive Wish" box or a "Friendship Box" & be used instead by children to give positive reinforcement to each other. Select a "student of the week" and Have the children write something they like about that student on a slip of paper and place in the box during the week. You can also do this as a circle time activity with each child speaking into the box.

It can also be used at home among family members, especially for those who are on extremely tight schedules or who has a parent who travels for business a lot.

I also saw this concept used with a Tibetan Bowl, (pictured at right) and have used this technique as well.  Use this in the same manner as the box only with the bowl let each child hold the bowl as shown, and as they wish, strike the bowl to make it ring, sending "good vibrations" to the birthday child. (This has come to be known as the "Birthday Bowl" and the kids ask for it when they know a classmate's birthday is coming!)

*What are some ways that you make your students feel valued and special?

*What are some ways you encourage positive reinforcement among peers, especially those who don't get along?


We would love to hear your ideas! Please leave a comment below!
 
.
.

Bullying: Helping Kids Find Their Power

I love it when the house it quiet for that first hour in the morning after everyone leaves. Its a time when I can be with my thoughts and reconnect with my strengths, ideas & talents and find my true source of power: Me.

I practiced yoga this morning as I watched the sun rise up through my front living room window. I don't always practice in the early morning, but when I do, I notice a different kind of energy in and around me all day. Its as if I have somehow gone from average to invincible and no matter what I do or who I encounter that is difficult in the course of my day, I feel calm, in control & like I will know the right way to handle it. On the days that I don't practice at all, I can tell you that I feel powerless over my own reactions & things have a whole different outcome. I have learned over the years how to find and keep my power level where it needs to be. I am trying to show & teach my daughter this now as she navigates the complicated world of being raised by divorced parents, understanding female friendships, boy-girl relationships and other peer interactions.

When I was finished & as I was making my "To Do " list and checking my e-mail I came across this article about a Father Trying To Get Phila School To Stop the Bullying of his First Grade Son. This family came here to get away from the violence & powerlessness in their country only to find more of it here unleashed on their son. I hurt for them. It breaks my heart to think about how we take away other's and give away our own power on a daily basis.

This strikes a triple chord with me, first having been bullied in school myself, then trying my best to help my own 3 kids through it, and now working with children with special needs as I do. Teasing/bullying comes up a lot and I do my best to work with parents to help kids understand the dynamic and then have tools to combat it. Believe it or not, there are many opportunities for self-empowerment during yoga, and I use these opportunities as well as storytelling to their fullest to present scenarios for children to solve conflicts and use in real life situations.

There are no easy answers or solutions and each case if different, but the one thing in common is that in all cases someone ('victim') is willing to give away their power, (or does not know how to keep it) and another ('bully') is willing to take it (or does not know how to resist taking advantage of perceived weakness.) In all cases, both the bully and the victim suffer from a feeling of dis-empowerment.

Empowerment is defined as: increasing the spiritual, political, social, or economic strength of individuals and communities, leading to the empowered developing confidence in their own capacities and abilities.

I think the question should not be "How do we address/prevent bullying as it happens," but rather "How to we teach kids-all kids-(bullies as well as victims) to find, build, keep and take back their true power"?

Its beyond obvious that the problem is way out of control. Bullying goes on every day in schools and on playgrounds and beyond. Some of you will disagree with me, but I'm starting to understand that its ultimately not up to the schools to stop it in most cases. (In the case of the family in the story at the link above, they clearly need some help navigating the system and the school does need to address it immediately.) While the schools definitely need to address it immediately as it happens within that environment, ultimately, its up to us as parents to help our kids to end it.

 I want to clarify that I feel this should not even be an issue. We should all respect others no matter what they look like, talk like, believe or where they come from.  Every child has a right to go to school and learn without fear.  If children are failing to act appropriately in school, then we need to re-examine whether or not our messages are getting through & how we have taught them at home. Just as we want to scrutinize a teacher for a child not learning math or reading properly, we need to be willing to look at ourselves through the same lens when our children fail to act appropriately when not under our watchful eye. Its a group effort between school and home that begins at home.

Bullying is not done in plain view. Its done when no one is around therefore its not witnessed by anyone in authority and they get away with it. Teaching the victim to not fight back only empowers the bully. There is no consequence so the oppressor feels they have gotten away with it some more. They know if the victim does go to the teacher, something may or may not be done, and they now have an 'excuse' to harass them more for telling.  Its a vicious cycle.

I do not advocate nor encourage violence as a solution to problems, but the victims need to be able to fight back appropriately & successfully. We are talking about fighting back by finding power-not by using force. Teach your children & students the difference and give them effective strategies to find & use their own power to set limits and boundaries.

Teachers and administrators need to be especially vigilant if there is a special needs child or other child that is a target for bullying. Let students know on the first day of school that harassment is not tolerated. Look carefully for signs of stress and fear in your students. In my daughter's school they do a "Citizenship Check" once a week. The children are encouraged to write down (anonymously) incidents or persons of concern who are acting destructively towards themselves or others, as well as those who are helping and kind to others. In this way staff and parents are made aware of any potential problems and can intervene if necessary & encourage the proper behavior.

We need to remember children who are given excuses & allowed to get away with bad behavior (bullies) become adult bullies and have a hard time fitting in their whole lives; and children that are victims and are not taught how to effectively set boundaries have a hard time fitting in and remain victims their whole life. Both sides need help & support as far as I see it, but it has to start and end in the home and it has to start at a young age. Once they are teens it is much harder to get them back to that point of self-control.

We cannot empower bullying behavior by denying there is a problem and making excuses nor by perpetuating the 'victim mentality' to the victims & expect bullying behavior to stop. So maybe its time to look at ourselves as parents first. Ask ourselves: 'Is it possible that my child is a bully? If yes, Why is my kid bullying/ taking advantage of someone weaker? Where did they learn/why do they feel the need to do this?' Talk with your child and listen to them, but don't ever make excuses for them!

Parents, we need to make the schools aware that we want to be a partner in solving the problem & want it to be addressed swiftly on an administrative level. Then take steps to empower our own children so they are not viewed as easy targets. Help them take back their power by letting them think and handle some less traumatic situations themselves, with guidance and encouragement of course. In an effort to help & protect them, we do way too much for our kids, especially our kids with special needs. Most kids can do at least some things-and some can do many things for themselves, more than we realize. Start with daily routines & living activities. Get them active in sports, karate or outdoor hikes. The feeling of climbing over rocks, doing forms or kicking a soccer goal can instill a sense of self mastery & control over their environment and build a support network of peers that can be called upon for other situations such as bullying.

Put your own fears aside, and your need for neatness/cleanliness & let them wash dishes or make lunch for themselves. When we prevent them from participating & do too much for them and let them slack it takes away their power and makes them think and act like victims-(or bullies). Give them responsibilities, expect them to be taken seriously and let them feel self-reliant. Build on those skills & let them take pride in and feel good about doing things for themselves. If this is done consistently & correctly, and with firmness & love, it eliminates the need for the bully to take the power of one perceived as weaker and raises the esteem level of the victim to the point where they will be better equipped to handle it if faced with a bullying situation.

These simple but empowering actions will not eliminate the bullying problem completely, but it will begin to teach children about using not physical force, but true inner power. Giving children responsibility and allowing them to complete tasks themselves shows them you trust them and this will help them trust themselves more. Trusting inoneself is the beginning of true power. This will help move them towards more positive social interactions and build the self confidence they need to stop being a bully or a victim and to finally take back and keep their own power.

*What are some interventions and solutions that you have used as a teacher, parent or administrator to minimize or stop bullying? Please leave your ideas, suggestions & comments below.

Read more to understand bullying at the links below:

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry


Edutopia: What Works In Education


Tigerman-Non Violent Superhero (Interactive Bullying Prevention Program)


.

Social Skills: Helping Friendships Grow (Creative Strategies)

 When I left my job in a NJ public school to move to PA  & start an adaptive yoga program for children with special needs, most people had no idea what to think and they couldn't imagine it. They questioned my sanity and if you could even teach children with autism or other challenges to move like that, sit still or understand any such concepts.

To be honest, I had no idea what to expect either. But in the last 4 years I have seen children learn how to move more fluidly, to self-calm, and to remember a story sequence. I've seen so many personal & therapy goals reached & so many more possibilities open up than me or anyone could have imagined.

When most of us who have never experienced it, hear the word 'yoga' it gives us images of moving our (somewhat imperfect) bodies into impossible postures, or sitting cross legged (and quietly) on a mat while we stress over having a million things to do at home or at the office. We question whether we can 'afford' that hour to ourselves. For children the experience is much different. They just do it. They don't question it and they are in the moment. They are not trying to learn and yet they do. Children's adaptive yoga is a very active & fun version of  this 'mind/body experience'.

While the main effect of yoga is the calming &  "bringing together" of one's mind & body, I've also observed the 'bringing together' of friendships, some unlikely on the surface at first, but then watching them growing spontaneously out of small groups with Lisa at KidsPlayWork, camp programs and studio classes. I have actively looked for ways to build opportunities for social growth & learning into yoga programming and so far, its been very effective & a good experience for everyone.

Friendships are so important to all humans, but especially for children with challenges. Social learning & building relationships is critical to a child's healthy development. Difficulty in making and keeping friends often leads to a number of emotional problems, such as low self-esteem and these problems usually continue into adulthood.  Once a group views a child as an outcast, this label is hard to overcome. Even if the child (or adult) changes the behaviors that originally caused this label, a reputation as a social outcast stays with him.


Children with poor social skills often do poorly in school and are at a high risk for delinquency, academic failure, and drop out. These are all the things we don't want for ourselves, our students or our own kids.

Social learning cannot be rushed, forced, nor dictated, but rather is taught by creating a number of real-life situations, scenarios, and teaching moments that the children are guided through properly. It is important to understand that until a child's body and senses are integrated, and until they have some basic self-control, cognitive & communications skills, (whether it be verbal or non-verbal) social skills cannot be taught effectively for the long term.

One of the ways that yoga can help introduce social learning is through partner poses. I will have a new group of  children play the "Mirror Game" in which Lisa, myself  or one child leads the others in a pose or movement, and the other follows. Play continues for a few minutes and then they switch roles. (This is a good activity to do with a peer mentor or buddy.) The movements are adapted to ability level and done slowly and deliberately. Both partners have to watch the other or adjust their body appropriately to do the movement together. Sometimes we use slow-tempo instrumental music to pace them and sometimes we let one child lead the group to vary it. In this way the activity begins build a non-verbal connection to others in a non-threatening way.  We make it structured yet fun to ensure the children laugh. (Laughter helps to break down social barriers & tension.)

After the children are familiar with one another we incorporate other Adapted Movement Games and sometimes modified versions of common Board Games to encourage focus, teamwork, self-control and of course fun! Two of my personal favorites are Yo-Jenga  and Yo-Spy. There are so many ways that common children's board & playground games can be adapted & incorporated in a traditional classroom to encourage friendships and social learning.

Some other ways to develop friendships in the classroom or studio:

Group Projects:
Collage murals, rice mosaics and interactive storytelling are three great activities that encourage social learning. You can use these activities to create situations where children must collaborate and work together. Consider individual interests and abilities and use dyads, triads or small groups to encourage interaction. Depending on ages and abilities, you can assign tasks such as writer, picture finder, paper cutter, glue person etc.  By helping children focus on a single task & using more or less structured instructions it will gradually help them interact with others more. To learn collaboration and compromise, older children, can select different tasks and problem solve how to complete the project together.

Story Sticks:
A Story Stick is a versatile tool that can be used in a classroom circle time, during yoga, or as a tool for story telling. Based on the idea of a Native American Talking stick, they can be created uniquely by children ages 5 and up with little or no help. (This activity is best suited for children ages 7 through teen.) When a person has the stick, he or she is the only one talking and the rest of the group practices listening. While in a circle, hold the community Story Stick and begin a story. Then pass it to the next child and they add to the story, (sometimes with prompting) and so on around the circle. Its a good exercise in spontaneous creativity, public speaking, listening, patience and working as a group.  To learn more about how to make a Story Stick click here .

Interactive Storytelling:
This is a great way to practice social learning and to teach strategies for overcoming challenges or adversity. This is also a great way to teach science concepts, culture, history and social studies. Select stories that are simple, age appropriate, entertaining, have a definite theme or a message, and that all children actively participate in. Adapt or shorten as necessary. (You can also use actual Social Stories in which specific skills are taught, discussed and reinforced through interactive role play. ) Use props, costumes, movement  and instruments to help the story come alive. Allow each child to tell a part of the story in their own words in sequence. Non verbal children can participate with props, PECS, instruments or flash cards.  A felt board, story board or mural can be made to go along with the activity. (It is important that every child have a role in this activity and is encouraged to participate to their own ability level.!)

Therapists, parents, teachers and other educators can and should be willing to work together to share information and brainstorm ideas and ways to promote an interest in social learning and growing friendships.

What are some of your creative strategies for growing friendships? Please leave a comment below!

For more interactive Games please visit our Sensory Game Page.

To learn how to develop your own classroom based yoga or storytelling program please contact Barbara@bodylogique.com



.

No One You-er Than You

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”  ~Dr. Seuss

So this evening at yoga, we misplaced one of the children's name tags. (The child happens to be the only boy in the class. ) The others were helping me look for it and we couldn't find it. So I apologized & jokingly offered him MY name tag and asked him if he wanted to be me for the night.

He shook his head, said "No way!" and quickly gave me back my name tag.
 
One of the other students said she would like to be me-because I know so much about Yoga. Then another said she'd like to be me too because I'm kind of funny. Another said I'm very funny and then another argued that I am silly rather than funny.
 
The banter went on until the young boy spoke up again. He said "I want to be me-but I still think you're cute!" ( As you can see, this one is a charmer-he knows just when to give a compliment. Its not easy being the only 6 year old boy in the yoga class!)
This exchange was so telling. It tells me that first, they are really paying attention even when you think they are not. It also re-enforces how important an adult's influence can be on a young child, and that we as educators cannot ever take that responsibility lightly.
 
It also drives home the importance of allowing children to develop self-confidence & to be their own person. The way that we do that the most effectively? By allowing them to do things-to succeed- and also to fail-and to learn from their mistakes. This helps build not only confidence, but characteristics they can identify with.
 
Too many times we are quick to "help" our kids avoid pain or circumvent uncomfortable situations. We let them win at games, do not allow them to experience consequences and do not effectively teach them how to handle anger & conflict.
 
The truth is, the world is not always a friendly place. There is competition, corruption and lots of frustrated people running around looking for a target to vent on. We can implement all the Anti-Bullying and Character Ed programs we want-but this will not ever teach them how to be confident in themselves. It will teach them the concepts-but not the lesson. The lessons are learned and character is built only through experience.
 
We cannot protect our students & children from or isolate them from every last bully, bad influence or friend who will use them. Instead, we have to be right beside them & give them skills to confidently navigate through the unpleasantness they will experience; we have to let them know we trust them to make choices and to set boundaries and if they make a bad choice they can change it. At the same time, we need to remember to show them how to still embrace, appreciate and look for the fun, adventure & beauty of Life.


They need to know that we are there to help if they need it and we will come to a point where we will have to be brave enough to let go and let them fly. If we show fear & frustration they will only learn to be afraid & frustrated. If we show confidence, then they will learn to be confident.
 
Tonight, every child who said they'd like to be me, for the reasons they perceived to be fun, or as good qualities, also told me that they would only want to be me for maybe just the class or maybe a day, and then go back to being themselves. I'm so glad they said that. That shows that they are supported & that they "get it."
 
And I'm thinking I would like to be more like them when I grow up.
 



.