Empathy Helps Build Awareness of Self & Others

Photo: Duke.edu

Empathy is greatly  misunderstood quality, especially for children with special needs, so in today's post I will offer some definition, insights and resources for parents & educators.

Empathy has a several definitions which encompasses a variety of nuances: caring for other people and having a desire to help them, to experiencing emotions that match another person's emotions; to knowing what another person is thinking or feeling, to blurring that divider line between one's self and others.

In general, empathy has two major aspects or categories:

• Cognitive Empathy: (Also Known as Theory of Mind) refers to the drive to identify another's mental states.
• Emotional (Affective) Empathy: pertains to being affected by another's emotional state & the desire to respond with an appropriate emotion as well as our general ability to empathize emotionally

In either case, empathy builds on our capacity to recognize emotions that are being experienced by another person and is a quality that is well worth developing in ourselves as well as in our children. By the age of two, children are just beginning to learn empathy but it does not start to really emerge until about age 4. Then, between ages 7-12 children seem to be naturally empathetic with people who are experiencing pain.

Empathic responses are usually not typical in people with autism, and for those with particular personality disorders such as borderline personality disorder, psychopathy, narcissistic personality disorder, and schizoid personality disorder, in addition to people with conduct disorder or bipolar disorder, and those experiencing depersonalization. (The subject of empathy on the autism spectrum is complex and research is continuing ion this area of neuroscience..)

One of the ways we can help teach empathy systematically is through the Learning by Teaching (LbT) method. Students have to prepare and present new content to their classmates, and in doing so they have to reflect continuously on the mental processes of the other students in the classroom.

The students are not only expected to convey a certain topic or content, but also to choose their own methods and approaches in teaching classmates that subject.

Through this process, the students develop a feeling for group reactions, networking and other important communication skills..

I recently came across a perfect description & summary of what empathy can do for us:

"In our highly polarized and competitive world, one person’s win is often another’s loss. One team’s, one party’s, one whatever’s excitement is sometimes disappointment for another.But it doesn’t have to be this way. There is a way that everyone can win, without anyone giving up their values. It’s called empathy. The beautiful thing about empathy is that you can feel another person's pain as if its your own and this empathy brings compassion, but you don’t have to save them or solve their problem. You can understand another person’s perspective without giving up your own. You can respect another person’s opinion without agreeing with them."

~Ian Lawton, Soul Seeds

Something I teach my daughter and my students is this: Just as you are capable of feeling another's pain & dissapointment, you can also feel their happiness, joy and success, if you choose to. Empathy is not merely a topic for "Character Ed" class, but a lense through which we can view and interact with the world and the people in it, in classrooms, at home and beyond.

Read Ian Lawton's entire post here:

Unity's Win, Win, Win

Learn more about the Learning by Teaching (LbT) Method here: 

Investigating Learning by Teaching

Learning by Teaching: The Goal is Independence

Qualitative Reasoning techniques to support Learning by Teaching:
The Teachable Agents Project

Learning by Teaching as a Pedagogical Approach

Learn more about teaching Empathy here:

How Children Learn Empathy

How Do You Teach Empathy? Harvard Pilots Game Simulation

Teaching Empathy to Children with Autism

Strategies for developing Empathy

Boston Children's Foundation

Theory of Mind

3 Empathy Building Exercises for Home & Work

Negative Effects of Social Support & Empathy




To contact Barbara or to report a broken link: bodylogique@yahoo.com


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Loss, Compassion & Gratitude: Good People Everywhere

Photo: Expressive Arts Therapy Institute

Below is a link to a great post by my friend & fellow yoga teacher Angela at OMazing Kids yoga.

Recently, a teacher from Mexico City wrote to her and mentioned that all of her kid's yoga materials had been stolen from her car trunk, and that she had hoped to win a giveaway that Angela had written about, so she could begin to replace the (3 years worth) of lost items.

I received an e-mail from Angela asking if there was anything I could donate to help the teacher out, and I replied that I would be happy to donate one copy of each of my books, plus a downloadable copy of The 4B's Self-Calming Cards. All in all, Angela's post managed to gather more than 30 items,and counting, from the yoga community to help this teacher build her library and materials up again!

Its a good story and reminder for all of us, no matter what community you are in, because ultimately we are all in the Community of Humanity. Whether we like it or not, sometimes we depend on someone and other times, people depend on us. This is something that is vital for our kids to know, understand and to practice. Its important for them to know that there are Good People Everywhere.

What we need to remember is that no matter what your personal beliefs are, inside of every human is a spirit and a soul-the essence of that human. Our actions express that soul/essence. We are our most powerful selves, when we express ourselves through our compassionate actions-not by wielding our "awesomeness"- but by simply using it to help others when they need it; and by expressing gratitude when we need help and receive it. If there is any lesson more important to teach our kids, I can't think of one right now.

We have lost this somewhere along our evolution: getting too attached to our losses, and not expressing gratitude sincerely when its warranted. We have come to feel that there is no more good in the world & that we are entitled to things without reciprocity. We need to reverse this trend for the good of all people everywhere.

We live in a world where the media bombards us minute by minute with what they call 'news' that places a focus on all the "bad stuff" that happens around us-some of it is true and downright scary, and some of it is manipulated, manufactured and designed to test us, but what they rarely tell us is that there are absolutely (as the book says) Good People Everywhere, and I personally am grateful to have many of them in my life.

Read Angela's Post Here:
Gratitude & Loss: Blessing in the Kids Yoga Community



Contact Barbara: bodylogique.info@gmail.com 

Change a Paradigm & Change a Child's Life

This weekend at the BCASC Autism Conference, Carol Gray, the keynote speaker, said so many things in her phenomenal presentation that resonated. One thing she said though really stuck with me:

"Change a paradigm 

and you change a child's life".

A Paradigm is defined as:

     1

: example, pattern; especially : an outstandingly clear or typical example or archetype

     2

: an example of a conjugation or declension showing a word in all its inflectional forms

     3

: a philosophical and theoretical framework of a scientific school or discipline within which theories, laws, and generalizations and the experiments performed in support of them are formulated; broadly : a philosophical or theoretical framework of any kind.

4: A set of assumptions, concepts, values, and practices that constitutes a way of viewing reality for the community that shares them, especially in an intellectual discipline. 

*Source: Merriam-Webster.com

Carol was referring to definitions #3 and #4.  Many assumptive paradigms exist in education, especially in the area of social skills. These accepted methods used by well-meaning educators & therapists in a variety of settings, only serve to systematically traumatize students further. 

One example that Carol discussed was regarding perceptions & the way we use language. A story she used to illustrate this, was about one of her students who had assumed that Carol had changed her dog's name to "Popcorn".

Instead of immediately correcting the student and saying "I didn't change my dog's name..." and causing the child more confusion, Carol stopped and said, "I need a moment to think..." and proceeded to look from the child's perspective and realized where the child's perception of the dog's new name originated from.

She revealed to us on her slides the reason: the student saw a popcorn bowl being used for the dog's food. For a child with autism, it was a logical assumption that the dog's name had been changed because of this visual evidence. (We believe most of what we see.) Had Carol not stopped a moment to look around, before she responded, she would have not realized the child's perception.

Carol instead replied "You know, I have a very true story to tell you..." and proceeded to explain that the popcorn bowl was there because the dog's other bowl broke. The student's response was "Okay-but can you turn it around? [so "popcorn" doesn't show].

Carol's presentation was filled with real-life examples, such as this one, of how we have the power to support & change interactions for kids. In those few split seconds between the stimulus & the response, how we use our power-and how we respond- can make a huge difference.

In order to move students forward-socially, academically and otherwise, Ms. Gray encouraged parents & educators to pause & think before we respond & to identify/ recognize existing paradigms so we can innovate new methods in order to change what's not working. She has provided a variety of tools to help us to achieve this and I highly recommend her site, her books and related site links to every special educator and para-educator.

As a parent or educator, what paradigms would you like to personally change? How would you go about it?

What paradigms or outdated methods would you like to see changed in general? 

(Please share your ideas in the comments below.)

To learn more about Carol Gray, Social Stories™, Comic Strip Conversations and her other work visit:

The Gray Center for Social Learning & Understanding

To find our growing library of

Webinars and Conference Call recordings 

visit AnyMeeting

.

67 Things I've Learned from Children with Special Needs

Photo: The Rashi School
rashi.org

I've always been drawn to people who are different. Maybe its because I have never felt as though I have quite "fit in" with my classmates, my co-workers and sometimes even my family. I've never really tried hard to 'fit in' though, but rather have tried to understand what makes others tick. I think having those insights has helped me nurture the ability to interact with people who have different abilities, lifestyles, beliefs and various adaptive needs and challenges.

I've been working with children with special needs since I was 14. My first job (outside of babysitting) was in High School with the NJ Commission for the Blind and Visually Impaired. Since that time,  I've worked with children in many different settings. I have observed, asked questions and through a process of trial and error, have learned to adapt everything - from the way I speak to how I teach personal care to how I set up activities & games for peers-for those who need it-for those who are labeled as "different".

The following is a list of the "Pearls of Wisdom" I have gathered throughout the last 34 years of shadowing, teaching and supporting children with special needs. I'd like to share them in the spirit of passing on insight to those new to the field of special education, ABA, OT, PT or Para-education.

These are not in any particular order of importance-nor does it represent a complete list of everything I've learned. I just wrote these down as they came to me. Please feel free to add your own "Pearls" in the comments section below.

• A sense of humor is your most important asset.
• Be ready to throw away the lesson plan & teach from the heart.
• Listen more than you speak.
• When you speak, use as few words as possible.
• Get on the floor and play.
• Its ALL sensory.
• Little things most definitely do count.
• Don't take yourself too seriously.
• If its not working, adapt it.
• Take care of yourself first.
• Not all children can do all things
• All children can do something
• Talking is not the only way to communicate
• There is only "now"-stay in and enjoy the moment.
• Helping a child learn is not the same as making them compliant.
• Take your time. 
• Its OK to have bad days
• Everyday is a new chance to re-commit to your work, your students, your life
• Sometimes, the best thing you can do for as student is to let someone else work with them.
• If something is not working, modify it.
• All children have special needs
• Structure has its place.
• Not everything has to be structured.
• Wherever there is water, there is fun to be had.
• What you think you are teaching and what they learn are two different things.
• There is no box.
• Multitasking is a myth.
• Sometimes you've just got to laugh
• The best way you can help a child is to pay full attention to him
• If something is not working, change it.
• Always carry tissues with you. Someone will need them.
• Sometimes you just need to cry.
• You don't have to have all the answers. You only need to be willing to learn.
• "No" is a reasonable and acceptable answer to give and to receive.
• Ask for help when you need it
• Wear your comfortable shoes to work.
• Don't eat garlic, onions or tuna right before a session with an outspoken 8 year old with sensory needs
• You cannot break down boundaries with force or behavior theories-but with acceptance and gaining trust from your student.
• Be willing to abide by what you expect of your students
• Nothing bad will happen if you wear two different socks. Or shoes.
• "Bad" behavior is a communication. What is the student communicating to you?
• Take one step at a time. Rest between steps.
• There is beauty and innate intelligence inside of everyone.
• Slow progress is still progress.
• Just when you think you have have something figured out-a student shows you to think again.
• Your students are your teachers.
• "Fair" means everyone has what they need, rather than the same as what everyone else has.
• In order to learn, first you have to fail.
• Failing is not the worst thing that can happen.
• The thing that will encourage - or discourage a student the most is her teacher's attitude.
• Its not about numbers, or labels or "the schedule" -  its about connection.
• Its not what you are teaching but the way you 'package' and deliver it that will help the student most
• There is no 'typical'
• No matter how much awareness there is, in some cases, the world will not adjust to the student. We must also teach children how to adjust to the world. 
• Children want to please us. They are not purposefully defiant.
• Children crave foods for a reason.
• Always keep yourself & your students hydrated.
• Teachers, therapists, parents, administrations are all on the SAME side.
• Continuing to do something for a child that they can do for themselves only makes them helpless and dependent.
• Children can sense your moods and will respond in kind-leave your personal problems at home.
• Look at the world through the child's eyes.
• There are many ways to adapt and modify & accommodate a student who needs us to.
• Common sense & intuition can sometimes trump what "experts" say.
• Be spontaneous.
• Be quiet.
• Give and receive love-and hugs- freely. and often.
• There will always be something new for you to learn.
• Eat more animal crackers.

In Case You Missed It: Teens and Sensory Integration

Photo:
New Step Consultation Services

There seems to be an abundance of information out there about sensory, language and other early interventions for young children, but I am often asked about techniques that will help teens, so today's post is dedicated to teen health, learning &  sensory interventions.

I received this e-mail (see below) earlier this week and thought I would include it as Friday's post along with an excerpt of my answer and some other relevant article and website links.

If you have any other good resources that would be helpful to our readers, be sure to leave the information in the comments section below. Enjoy!

~Barbara

Barbara, 

I found your email address when searching for additional information on the Wilbarger Body Brushing Protocol.  

I am searching for information on use of brushing with a teenager recently diagnosed with Autism and Tactile Defensiveness.  

All the references I have found deal with infants or younger children.  This is an academic student with average cognitive abilities but other issues associated with Autism.  Do you have any experience teaching a teen this approach in conjunction with other strategies?

The student is an 8th grader, tall and mature physically.  Language skills are very good. At school the primary problem are shutting down physically, emotionally with transitions and change.  He is high functioning.  He would really need self brushing and compressions. I just don't have any idea how that could even work in a large middle school ?

Thank You ! 

JW

Dear JW,

Thank you for your e-mail inquiry. While I do not personally have experience with this, I have consulted with some of my colleagues who do and here is what we collectively came up with:

It sounds as if your student would benefit greatly by being involved in the entire process of putting together and implementing his sensory diet, especially if he has the ability to understand his own wiring and the important purpose of the sensory activities and how they will help him function optimally in a classroom setting and beyond.

I have been told that the brushing technique works better if it is done by someone else as opposed to self-brushing, however male teens will be less likely to be comfortable with someone else (especially a female therapist) brushing them, wanting to be more independent and in control. 

So with that in mind, there are ways to help a teen choose and blend sensory activities into their everyday living that incorporate the sensory input that is needed. (Examples: using a loofah sponge to shower in the morning before school; (Preferably not use on face or stomach!) chewing gum can be used to stimulate gum/oral input; thera-putty or a stress ball to squeeze for muscle pressure input, etc. ) You will have to talk with the teen and his family to see what the biggest issues are and design a sensory diet with his full input. Let him know that if something isn't working, you can easily change it.

The challenge is in giving him tools to use that will be non-alienating, discreet and least distracting to other students while he is in class. Hopefully, his teachers will be on board and cooperative. If not, its your job to educate them so that they will be as accepting and help the process rather than hinder it. (For example, once a diet is in place, they need to know that his fidgeting is his way of regulating, etc. )

If he has an IEP these activities should be included. It was also recommended that the teacher, a therapist or the student himself, (if comfortable) do an "inclusion talk" (or design a "brochure-maybe as a class project) explaining his behaviors and sensory needs for the purpose of opening up dialog and developing understanding between peers. Most kids will be very willing to help if they know how-(such as keeping voices low, taking care not to bump or roughhouse with the student, etc.) and the ones who will use it as an opportunity for teasing, will be shut down by the rest of the students who want to help.

As far as transitions-this is always difficult but a daily agenda or schedule is always helpful-visual or verbal-something small that can stay on desk or in pocket-if he wears a watch, maybe you can help him set it so that a reminder goes off 5 minutes before the class will end so he has a few moments to do what he needs to prepare for transition. 

The is no way to really prepare for every unexpected transition-such as a fire drill-maybe you can open a dialog with the principal and there can be some sort of announcement or notice to that student that there will be a fire drill around 1 pm...etc. and then give him tools to calm the anxiety he may experience while "waiting" for the bell to sound. There may be some helpful articles on my blog about calming anxiety. 

For deep pressure input and self-calming tools, there are some resource links below and I just published a book this summer called "Calm & Connected: Yoga Based Tools for Self-Regulation" that gives dozens of techniques that would be helpful and even though its geared for younger children, you might find something of value that can be adapted for a teen. I have included some pressure point techniques in the book that have gotten some good feedback, and a really useful technique I learned from my OT adviser called the "4B's" that can be used discreetly for overall calming, concentration or to prepare for transitions. (Find that download here > > go to the bottom third of page where it says "Fall Specials" and you will find the 4B's S.M.Art Cards™ free download link.) 

To find a description of my Calm & Connected book, go here  and If you'd like to order it, use the "Add to Cart" button and the discount code: 8U45E59T for $5 off.

Karate (hard forms), Tai Chi (soft forms), pilates, weight training, horseback riding and vinyasa yoga may also be good ways to incorporate muscle input during leisure time-this may in turn carry over & help when stressed, anxious, or in a classroom setting. Pilates and yoga can easily be done in the home - in the student's familiar and comfortable environment-with no echoes, incense or chanting- with their own music preference playing, etc. which makes them great additions to a sensory diet. 

You may give a heads up to the gym teacher too to see if some of these activities can be incorporated into his class's phys-ed time.

I hope this was helpful and you will find some resources you can use. 

Barbara

** Do you have any experience, advice or resources for JW? Please share them in the comments below.

Related Links:

The Sensory Team Handbook

Activities for Hypersensitive Teens in the Classroom

Helping your Teen Cope with Anxiety Disorder

Promoting Teen's Social Skills

Sensory Integration for Teens & Older Children

Teens & Sensory Issues: Special Challenges for a Special Time

Life Skills for Teens: Finding a Keeping a Job

15 Life Skills to Learn in Special Education

Focus on Strengths Improves Autistic Teens Social Skills

Body Image and Self Esteem

What Stresses Teens Out?

Inspire USA / ReachOut.com   (Teen Resiliency/Mental Health Foundation)

Contact: barbara@bodylogique.com

In Case You Missed it: Social/Emotional Learning

Crying doesn't indicate the you are weak. Since birth, it has always been a sign you are alive ~Unknown

Its been an emotional week for my immediate and extended family with the sudden passing of my youngest niece (age 17) from complications of epilepsy. I have been working with my daughter (age 13) to find ways to celebrate her life, rather than dwelling on the loss we all feel. Paige was an organ donor and Lauren has noted that it is a small comfort to know that my niece is helping other families live and celebrate life, as she transitions to the next world. Its never easy when you lose a family member, but even more difficult when that family member is a child or young adult. 

As my daughter so eloquently put it: "Its as if time stood still, and everyone was moving so slowly."  She is right. Suddenly, politics,current events and personal differences don't matter at all, as we focus on just supporting each other.

There are so many emotions and interpersonal dynamics that arise when a family goes through a major life event such as this. Being who I am, I've been trying to step back a bit and look at it all to see what can be learned from it and how that insight can be applied. Maybe that is my way of working through my own grief, but it seems as if it is my natural reaction after the initial feelings of sadness, tears and emotional release, so I don't fight it.

In the spirit of deeper understanding of how to give positive support and help each other through difficult transitions, this week's links are geared towards social and emotional learning. Please feel free to share them with others.

If you would like to read Paige's story, (as written by a close friend) and help her parents, sisters, cousins, classmates, friends and family celebrate her life, please click here. 

This weekend, my wish for you is that you find and reinforce your own ways of celebrating life with your children, families and friends. In the big picture, its really the only thing that matters.

~Barbara


Why Champion Social and Emotional Learning ? (Edutopia) 

The Impact of Social Emotional Learning (CASEL) Download

Communication: Encouraging Spontaneous Language

Behavior and Social Skills

Grief in the Family: Providing Support at School

Emotional Learning (Psychology Today) 

Helping Your Child With Transitions


Contact: barbara@bodylogioque.com

In Case You Missed It: Assorted Topic Links - October 1-5

Photo: Barbara Gini ©2012

Happy Friday everyone!

What an incredible week I've had, beginning with an awesome workshop with 12 OT's, PT's and COTA's; the launch of our distance Learning Program (details being added to our website today!); One to One work with 3 wonderful adaptive yoga teachers-in-(distance)-training; helping a client build a new website and several incredible walks in the woods near my home. I snapped this photo above with my cell phone while I was walking near a  bunch of fallen trees. (So much to see on a walk! If you are paying attention.)

The week is winding down with visit from family from North Carolina & the 2 day birthday festivities for my love, and my best friend who turns 50 years young today. Every single day I still discover something new about him. He has supported me and the work I am doing in every way possible for the last four years and today I celebrate his life, his patience, honesty and integrity by wishing him & everyone reading this all of the love, support, humor, happiness and new experiences that he has given me.

Wishing Happy Birthdays to everyone celebrating this season!

~Barbara


Here are your links for this week:


National Sensory Awareness Month: "Faces of SPD" project

Learning About Friendships at every Grade Level

Montessori Inspired Solar System Unit-World Space Week 

Vision & Learning Go Hand in Hand

Families Bypass Junk Food & Focus on Eating Healthy

Common Core in Children's Yoga

Physical Activity and the Brain: Exercise After Stroke Helps Improve Memory

Bullying is Portrayed in 92% of Children's Shows

Compassionate Meditation Can Boost Empathy

School Garden Grants Program




Visit our website for more articles, games, activities, and more!
Contact: barbara@bodylogique.com

Three Questions

Photo: "The Three Questions" by Jon Muth

"Mom, spending the weekend in the hospital really changes the way you look at and think about things. There were so many people in pain-in their bodies and in their minds... and then the lady in the bed next to Nonnie ['grandmother' in Italian]  was confused and scared and didn't know where she was. She tried to escape and she was yelling at the nurse who was guarding her. She just kept trying to run away. It was so sad I wanted to help her but didn't know how. I wanted to cry for her."

This is what my 12 year old daughter said to me last night after having a falling out with a girl friend (via text messages) over the issue of  "minding one's own business."  Lauren had just come home from visiting her grandmother in the hospital over the weekend (Her dad's mother is having triple bypass surgery on this week.) and began this discussion unprompted after her friend told her that she did something on my daughter's behalf, without asking my daughter's permission.

"What hurts most is that she [her friend] knew where I was all weekend and she didn't even ask me once how Nonnie was feeling...she just started telling me about herself and what she did this weekend - and then she got mad at me for being mad at her for not asking my permission...UGH!! "

Lauren added: "Mom, I'm so tired of the arguing and the girl drama... If everyone [her classmates] would just stay out of what isn't their business and stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and saying, and if they could just show a little more care and respect for themselves and each other, then none of us would fight anymore. Everyone would stop stressing over the littlest, stupidest things, and only focus on what's really important."

I was at a loss for words for her, and humbled by her mature observations.

It reminded me of a story I used to tell her, and that I now use for yoga class work. Its called "The Three Questions".

In this adaptation of a a short story by Tolstoy, a young boy looks for the answers to his three questions about how to be a good person. He meets a monkey, a bird, a dog and a turtle and asks them his questions, but finds his answers unexpectedly through doing a heroic good deed.

The Boy's questions are:

• What is the best time to do things?
• Who is the most important person?
• What is the right thing to do?

There are many  themes and lessons in this story, for both young and old and it can be a creative tool for character education & social-emotional learning: to help children understand & remember the most important time, people and reasons that we are all in each other's lives.



Contact: barbara@bodylogique.com

Bigger Pastures-Taller Fences (Rules & Policies Gone too Far)

Photo: pitchup.com

I once found a Japanese quote that went something like this:

"Give your child a big pasture-with a tall fence".

It resonated with me on many levels since I grew up in a household where there were many rules and restrictions. While I recognize that there is a need for balance & structure in one's life, there also needs to be room for exploration and fun, and this is largely overlooked especially when it comes to raising & educating our children.

I was talking with a fellow yoga teacher last spring, who related a story to me of a school she was contracted by to do preschool yoga classes. She was frustrated because she had been told by that school's principal that the children are not allowed to remove their shoes during yoga. The reason: in case there is a fire/drill.

Huh??

Aside from the fact that shoes prevent them from doing the yoga postures in proper alignment, and that shoes destroy mats, (dirt, scuff marks, tears, etc) let's talk about the engagement factor: tactile input on the feet relaxes and engages them for longer periods of time, (think of a foot massage) and relaxation is one of the purposes & benefits of yoga. So this school policy has reduced the yoga classes (that the parent's association paid for) to the equivalent of in-school babysitting. (The teacher leaves the room entirely during the yoga session.)

But let us come back to the "must wear shoes during yoga" policy.

It leads me to question if the children are allowed to use the bathroom during the day-(I mean, what if they have their pants down and there is a fire or a drill. I mean personally, I'd MUCH rather have no shoes on during a fire drill than no pants.)

How about water, snacks and lunch? Are they not allowed either? I mean someone could choke on something if the alarm went off and startled them. (Or if they tripped on their shoelaces.)

And in the absence of a fire drill: Pencils? Crayons? Paint? Scissors? How can a school logically risk the liability of putting these dangerous implements in the hands of children who clearly don't see those everyday dangers? (Until administration spells it all out for them.)

And don't even let me get started on that soap they use in the lavatories. I think its made from some kind of heavily perfumed toxic acid substance. (Children should be required to attend a "Right to Know" workshop before they touch that stuff.)

Has everyone gone completely mad?

Yes, I know that things could (and do) happen, but do we not see that we have taken all the fun and spontaneity out of learning (and childhood) by taking "safety" entirely too far? We make way too many (ridiculous) rules for kids to follow, so they don't take any of them seriously. They can't possibly take any of them seriously. We are not gaining their cooperation, we are showing them that the ones making (and enforcing) those rules are not to be taken seriously either. How can children respect and trust adults who appear to be intent on restricting them and their activities more and more for no logical reasons? How can they learn from, or, more importantly, what are they learning from us?

If administrations are truly looking to keep kids safe, gain compliance, or to have quiet and order,they are going about it the wrong way. Here is just a modest a sampling of ridiculous rules & bans from around the world:


School asks Deaf Preschooler to Change His Sign Language Name

Australian School Bans Cartwheels

Primary School Bans Ball Games

Saggy Pants Ban

Denver Neighborhood Bans Children from Drawing on Sidewalks with Chalk

Ban on Talking at Lunch for 'Health and Safety' Concerns

School Eases Peanut Ban Policy After Protests


Its not even about protecting our children anymore or creating an optimum learning environment where they actually learn things of value. The kids know this. They know its not for their benefit. They know its about (schools) not getting sued and they know that is the poorest reason to make a rule or policy. Its also a sad statement about what we place a value on.

The solution does not have to be complicated or (heaven forbid) cost large amounts of money. How about if we start teaching kids how to think, (as opposed to what to think) and how to make better decisions?  Along with that we can teach them to plan ahead, be prepared & be more self-reliant and resilient if something unexpected does occur.  We need to communicate better-not more-and infuse common sense into policies. We need to make fewer rules, for the right reasons.

If we clear bigger pastures & build taller fences, I believe that the rest will fall into place.

**What are some of the ridiculous rules or policies that your school, company or community has adopted? Please share with us in the comments below! (Feel free to post article links and your suggestions for more logical solutions.)




Contact Barbara through www.bodylogique.com




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In Case You Missed It: May 21-25

Photo Credit: notesfromxian.com

I hope everyone had a great week!

And just In Case You Missed It, here are this week's top relevant posts from various sources. I hope you will pass them on and share them with those interested.

I would also like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a safe and healthy Memorial Day weekend. Please be sure to display your flag, (see article link below for Flag Etiquette) and while you are enjoying the long weekend, take a few moments to Remember, Appreciate and Thank those who are serving and those who have left us while serving our country.

If you have a family member currently serving (or retired,) and you would like to post a message for them OR  if you would like to remember fallen friends or  family, please post in the comments section below.


With Gratitude to All who Serve,
Barbara

Memorial Day History

In Memory of Our Honored Dead

Soldier Homecomings

USA Flag.org:  Flag Etiquette

Play list Memorial Day: Help for Those Who Serve
*This list has several interviews that have been targeted to helping veterans who are still serving and also to help returning veterans. While we remember all those that have given their service, their years, and sometimes their lives, it is also important to do whatever we can to help those who are serving today, help their families, and help them when they return home. TOPICS: PTSS, Helping Homeless Veterans, Helping Those Returning Home.)




Other Article Links:


Are Our Children Overpraised?
(childmind.org)

Helping your child succeed when there is no IEP:
(Friendship Circle Blog)

Co-Regulation & Social Interaction:
(RDI Connect)

Teach The Books-Touch The Heart
(chrquietly.tumblr.com)

How Music Therapy Can Help Your Child
(families.com)

The Bad Teacher Debate: Losing Labels in Education
(teachhub.com)

The Plight of Introverted Children
(Education Week.com)


Contact: barbara@bodylogique.com

With Me? Next to Me?

Photo Courtesy:  johnflurry.com

Its a commonly held belief that ASD children should be discouraged from parallel play; and that they need to actively engage with peers.

I have often wondered exactly who's need this is and inwardly feel, in spite of experts telling me otherwise, that interaction ought to be natural & spontaneous rather than staged and prompted.

When I first started doing ABA therapy, (Applied Behavioral Analysis) I was not comforatble. In fact, hated what was expected of me. I felt that we were not really honoring and respecting the children as individuals, and instead were imposing repetitive drills and unrealistic expectations of what we thought were necessary skills onto children as if we were programming a computer. While I understood the importance of structure, and that certain skills need to be learned before harder skills, it always seemed to be more about compliance than engagement.
Now that I no longer do ABA, I often observe behaviors and body language in children that indicate to me that they are not ignoring me, but rather observing, sensing, listening to, taking in, absorbing and processing everything that I do, say and that is going on around them. I base what I teach them on those cues. I play next to them if they don't want to play with me. More so, because I want to observe & understand and as long as they don't ask me to leave, I stay.

One young boy I worked with years ago had a diagnosis of autism and was only mildly verbal. Most of the words he said were repeating something he heard, or making inaudible sounds. We were frequently prompting him to 'play with' other kids. One day I could not get him to work at all so rather than get stuck in a power struggle, I just sat next to him, observed him and mirrored him as he played with a toy car. After a few minutes he looked me right in the eye, and said clearly: "Miss Barb, I need a break."

ASD children see, hear and know what is going on. They are not tuned out, they are tuned in. They even feel it when your emotioins are a little off balance. They are aware that we are watching and trying to get them to do tasks. Sometimes we get so stuck in the compliance and lesson plans that we forget that we are not just teachers and therapists but also students - and we can learn from the kids too.

Are we too quick to stage & prompt interactive playing and not patient enough to observe & allow play to happen spontaneously and naturally (if its going to) among spectrum children & peers? Why isn't playing 'next to me' good enough? Are we unconsciously sending these children deeper into 'their' own worlds instead of accepting them into 'ours'?  Is it really about the kid's needs or more about our own?

Here is an eloquent post and excellent account of what is going on when we think our ASD children are ignoring us, or not interacting. This was written by Aspienaut, an adult with Asperger's. This is his own account and description of what he experiences, and I think we can use it to help us understand other children & individuals better too.

Please bookmark Aspienaut's site & pass this on to everyone you know who works with children (and adults) with autism.

Aspienaut: Wired Differently:  "Next To You"